A bit of the back story first: My husband and I have been married 30 years. We have 5 older kids, the oldest is 34 the youngest is 29… then we have an 11 yr old. I got pregnant after I had a tubal ligation when our 5th child was born.
With the first 5 I clearly remember holding hands, hugging, kissing, butt grabs…but the last 3 years, my husband won’t do anymore than kiss the top of my head and if I’m lucky I get a quick hug with our bodies about as far apart as they can be and still hug. Our sex life is good and when our youngest isn’t around he is affectionate. But he is almost totally hands off when our youngest is around. I have two issues with this. The first is, I want my son to grow up and be affectionate with his wife and to have a great sex life, second is that why is my husband doing this? When I ask him he denies it happening. But even our oldest child has noticed. Which means it’s not just me. So how much so too much affection to show in front of kids this age? Is it unrealistic to expect a kiss on the lips (not a make out session).. and the occasional butt grab?
4 comments
Are the other 5 grown children all women? And the youngest a boy?
Maybe try some marriage counseling. Sometimes having a neutral 3rd party’s professional opinion can help and learn some good communication skills and other tools to improve intimacy.
It sounds like he is blame shifting and being emotionally abusive. Individual counseling for each of you would probably be better than couples counseling but it sounds like he probably won’t do that.
I didn’t realize how emotionally toxic my relationship had become. There is a toxic cycle called DARVO that I would play right into without realizing it. I would highly recommend finding an individual therapist that specializes in trauma for just you.
Talk to him about your needs ,wants ,how u want to be treated ? And see what he say? And do …if he really care about you he will do something about the issues.