I (28f) have been in the most healthy relationship I’ve ever been in for the past 3 years (I was in a toxic one for 5 years so I learned). He respects me, talks about our future, his family is lovely, has a good job, etc. On paper he’s a great partner. I had zero doubts until recently he was someone I could marry and have children with and I was fully in love.
However, I’ve had recent feelings of uncertainty and unhappiness creep in with no concrete reason I can point to. I am terrified of marrying the wrong person as my parents had a bad relationship. Something about my current bf makes me anxious and I can never fully relax while talking to him.
Am I the problem? Is it just the honeymoon phase ending? Commitment issues? Gut feeling he isn’t the right person?
3 comments
Honestly to me it sounds like your past experiences are causing you trauma and worries and doubts. Have you had therapy? I highly highly highly recommend it
Some things will not be perfect. Does that sound terrifying?
There is one thing people don’t tell you about when you leave a toxic relationship and have a new healthy relationship, which is that it is absolutely a learning curve. You have to reprogram your brain, your reactions, thinking processes. You name it, its all different. You would think by being out of it for years you would be great but it varies from person to person and if youve done therapy or tons of self help. I was with a toxic man for 6 years and had 2 kids. Ive been with my new partner for over 3 years and i still struggle with things not because of something hes done or said wrong on his end but me. I want to say apart of what your feeling is, you may be so used to things not playing in your favor, or you might have abandonment issues and you’d rather cut him out before he has the chance to cut you out. I’ve also been told that healthy relationships can get boring to some people because it isnt as up and downs, in a healthy relationship the knob stays pretty level. The honeymoon phase is a thing, but you don’t have to say goodbye to it. You can incorporate it back into your relationship. Just takes time and effort and commitment and communication and staying as positive as you can. Find the good in everything first before you allow yourself to find the negative then rule out how the negative makes you feel and then take your next move.