Hey all. My wife (33F) a I (27M) have been married for 6 years. We initially had a great sex life, sometimes going at it 3 or 4 times a day. We’ve never been the most adventurous but we’re super in tune with each other so even the most bog standard session feels pretty special. One thing that was apparent very early on though was that she wasn’t particularly eager to be eaten out. I was pretty inexperienced with eating girls out before her so I just thought my game was weak.
A couple years into our marriage we had kids and of course the intimacy dried up a fair amount. Sex over the last few years has been spotty to say the least. Sometimes we’ll fuck on a daily basis and sometimes we’ll not fuck for close to two months. I have a high sex drive so those long dry spells have been an issue that we’ve discussed many times and things have gotten better in recent memory however before the start of this year I hadn’t eaten her out for a couple of years. My oral advances were turned down time and time again and I got pretty bummed out cause I love going down on her.
Around March she decided to try it again after a good chat we had. By this point I’d done a lot of studying and tried to improve my oral game cause I was determined to make it a regular part of our sex life. So we go at it and to my surprise she absolutely loved it. Its probably the most pleasure I’ve seen her experience. She was writhing and moaning for about 5 minutes straight. We spoke directly after it and she told me she really enjoyed it and it felt good but then a few days later I asked if she wanted to do it again soon and she told me its just not something she wants done to her. I was destroyed.
We’ve done it once again since then and she was once again writhing about in pure ecstasy but then discussing it the day after she said she’s not really into it. I’m so confused. How can someone clearly get so much pleasure from something but not want to do it? I think theres some insecurities at play but apart from that I’m just super confused. Can anyone help me understand this?
7 comments
We can’t possibly know what she’s thinking, unfortunately. What you need to do is tell her what you’ve told us here and ask her, in a non-judgmental and open-minded way, to shed some light on the subject for you.
The only way to find out is communication.
It sounds irritating though. If she’s not faking it there seems to be sth going on which makes her deny that she likes it. Did she have any sexual trauma? Religious or conservative background?
I mean only she knows why but she’s made it clear to you twice she doesn’t want this. Let it go. You’re prioritizing your pleasure over her comfort when it’s her body.
Shyness, lack of self confidence, & insecurity.
I would guess it would be related to one/all of those. Reiterate to her that you really liked doing it and that you would like it. Make it about you (just for now)
It’s hard to ask for something you want that might be less than ideal for your partner or that is just for you. A lot of women struggle with anything ‘for them’. Also if she’s a little insecure (and even those feigning confidence can be!) there are a lot of worries. Do I Smell, does it taste bad, is there too much hair etc etc
Maybe it’s just too much for her at the moment? Overwhelming? Maybe start slow so she can get used to it and can handle it better emotionally? It might not be that it doesn’t feel good physically but that she doesn’t know what to think about, it makes her feel uneasy about recieving pleasure, reminds her of a past situation etc, or she might think she doesn’t deserve it or is self conscious. Maybe incorporate it in sex for moments at time only occasionally to begin with, and with time it might be more. Continue to talk to her and ask for feedback on how to make her feel comfortable and safe too.
I’ve met a lot of conservative women who think someone’s face that close to their privates is the most horrifying thing in the world. A sex therapist would be able to help a problem this common, but only if she wants to be helped.
Could be a lot of things. She might not want to reciprocate or be embarrassed or something. Also, she might genuinely not like. Just because someone is moaning and flopping around doesn’t mean they are enjoying themselves. They might be overstimulated.
Advice wise, I would try making the experience less intense to start with and see if that helps.