TLDR – My brother (23m) is blackmailing me (19M) about being in a relationship with a man
I (19M) recently (3 weeks) got with my best friend “Jacob” (21M) in a serious relationship. The other day me and Jacob were having a date at his apartment when my brother came out of Jacob’s roommate’s room and saw us kissing. I’m not quite sure what he was doing there but I’m fairly certain he was hooking up with Jake’s roommate.
When I got back home my brother “Bob” was waiting for me and said he knew about our relationship. A little backstory is that me and bob live together with our parents still since out house is quite close to the colleges we go to. My parents are also very religious and are openly homophobic.
I was kind of shocked when my brother said he would tell our parents about my relationship because Bob and I have always been very close. He started blackmailing me and that I would be kicked out if I didn’t do everything Bob asked for. He said that he wanted all the money I make from my part time job, he wanted my room to also be his gaming room, and he also had other demands. I just kind of laughed, thinking it was a joke and to also console myself a little. He said he was serious and now I’m concerned on being homeless.
I’m trying to think of a way not to meet his demands and to not get kicked out. I can’t afford to be kicked out since I work minimum wage. What can I do in this situation?
45 comments
Is “Jacob’s” roommate male or female?
Found the similiar post: [Link](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rrcliv/ops_sister_catches_him_and_his_boyfriend_being/)
It’s probably not really applicable to your situation, but is there any chance you can spin anything out of the fact that your brother was hooking up with the roommate? If your parents would disapprove of that, you could get him there.
I honestly would just deny it, the psychology trick that I would always use with my strict parents was “why would I do that?” And “you really think I would do that?”, kinda manipulative but oh well, if your parents have no clue or previous reason to believe you are attracted to men then there is no reason to believe your brother, you could also play the “mom, dad, I think he’s actually attracted to men and maybe he’s projecting onto me?” If your brother has no proof then I wouldn’t worry, and I’m also very sorry you are in this situation to begin with, I hope you can find better support ❤️
Just tell him if he does that you’ll never talk to him again. He sounds like he’s immature. Same up money move out
Move out bro , get a job while doing your degree. It’s not easy but I have worked full time while doing my degrees. I did not have any of those reasons. I just didn’t want any handouts. However without offending you , your parents are dicks and your brother is an even bigger asshole … get away from all of them , maybe even see if you and Jacob could share a place and let your family live their miserable hateful life’s by themselves. I am not pro or contra towards gay people , but if any of my kids would ever tell me they are gay that would
Be just fine and I would love them as much as before. It’s their life and their Choice and if I would hear their sibling are that cruel I can tell you it’s the sibling that would be looking for somewhere else to stay
You thought you two were close now your brother is just a
Do you have enough money for a few days? Or airb&b . It would be a start
Delay, delay and delay until you can gtfo. Afterwards, disown this piece of shit from your life. NC
Refuse his demands. Tell him that you will not be blackmailed and if he continues, you will go to the police and have him prosecuted.
Two conflicting rules:
-Blackmailers never lose the blackmail-No matter how much you agree to or comply.
-Don’t tell your parents about major lifestyle choice/religious differences until you are no longer dependent on them financially.
I’d say your best course is to remind your brother that you appreciate your relationship as it is and that you’d be very upset if he were to do something that would compromise your relationship with him and with your parents. Remind him that you’d like to finish school and live a successful life but be clear that you won’t allow him to dominate your relationship. Then leave it in his court.
Hopefully he does the right thing long enough for you to make your last tuition payment without mom and dad making ultimatums.
If he just came out of Jacob’s roommate room, how did he manage to take a picture of you two kissing? Did he come out of the bedroom ready to snap a picture? Feels kinda weird story.
Tell Jacob to kiss your brother quickly and you take a picture and send it to your parents first.
Turn the tables and tell your parents right now that *HE* is sleeping with men and have Jacob back you up.
He did it to you and had no problem. Now you just have to be careful with Jacob.
Don’t let your brother catch you with pictures of you guys kissing or anything like that until your financially stable to move out on your own
If he threatens to release the pic tell him you’ll tell ur parents that he’s a pervert who forced u to let him watch u do that stuff, then he’s gonna be in big trouble too at least
Stop saying you’re not very confrontational! Do you want to keep being blackmailed? No? Then it’s time to start standing up for yourself. If you can’t do it, well, your brother will own you. I’m sorry, but there are just some moments in life where we must each step outside our comfort zone or be a perpetual lifelong doormat. Be strong!
Your going to college. Go to the counseling or LGBTQ+ center on campus and tell them what is going on and they will help you.
Or if your in the USA reach out to get help now.
Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741
The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline: (888) 843-4564
Contact either one of them in the USA. For sure go to your school and get help there too. What your brother is doing is actually illegal.
You got any way to raise like an emergency fund or link socials?
As a queer person with a supportive brother and homophobic parents this makes my fucking blood boil. That’s disgusting, he’s disgusting, and I sincerely hope you are able to find a living arrangement that is safe and stable to get on your feet and build a life from.
But your intuition is right not to cave into demands, cause if he finds out he can manipulate you this way he’ll escalate. Now’s the time to seriously plan an exit strategy from this “family”.
Tell them Bob is gay and hit on your boyfriend and have your boyfriend confirm it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
When he tells your parents say he’s lying because he’s jealous. Also, find a fake gf.
Ask Bob what he expects to happen to your relationship if he continues with this blackmail? Tell him that he will 100% lose you as a brother. Do not give him a damn thing. If he puts you then hopefully you will not get kicked out but if you do your bf will help you.
The best way is to go live with someone else, your bf’s parents or a friend.
I don’t think your boyfriend’s parents would let you live in the street if you told them the truth, that you risk being homeless because your parents are homophobic.
Plan A should be to get the hell away from your parents and your brother.
But, if for whatever reason you don’t find a place to live… There’s plan B.
This should be your last resolve, it won’t be easy but you NEED to take control of the narrative.
Go to your parents and tell them how your brother FORCED you to kiss your friend.
You would never do something like but he made you do it.
You knew your brother was a bit gay but you loved him too much to out him to your parents, he’s a sinner but he’s still your brother… But then he showed is true color of being a true depraved person, making you kiss a friend for his own pleasure and then having the gut to blackmail you for it!
I don’t recommend this plan B, it would be much better to just go away, but it’s better than the alternative: your brother being the first to talk to your parents
Anyway, good luck, I hope everything works out 🙁
Keep us updated!
You’ve got a good brother there lol. In all seriousness, fuck him. Since you’re all adults, go to the police and file a report.
Tell your parents you did it as a dare?
String him along as long as possible and make arrangements to move out. You’re not being fair to yourself living in these conditions. I have a hunch your brother is hiding secrets of his own.
Go hardcore,. Gather evidence, text msgs, and once you get his demands>>>GO TO THE POLICE.
You’re going to have to masterfully flip this.
Record him or trick him into texting you all these demands and go to your parents. Show them and tell them he’s making stuff up and trying to blackmail you. Deny the kiss happened ’til the cows come home. Tell them he was caught coming out of Jacob’s roomie’s bedroom and is looking to cover his ass by pointing the finger at you with these absurd claims. As the first person to bring it to them you’re more likely to believed.
You’re in a position where you need to be in the closet until you become financially independent. So lie your little heart out. He has no proof. Make sure to delete or hide any emails, pics, texts, social media messages that refer to a relationship between you and Jacob. Talk to Jacob and ask him to back you up.
Also, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have a brother anymore. He’s a sack of snake shit. Sorry, that’s rough.
What a terrible person he is. I’m so sorry
Don’t know If this might work, but why not “Tell” your parents? Like, he does not have any proof right? Go to your parents when the dickhead is not home and say something like “Mum, Dad, Bob is driving me insane! He said that he would convince you guys that I’m gay If I didnt give him all my money, can you believe that??”
This way, even if he tries to say anything, they Will probably not believe him (unless they already favor him over you, an extra thing to consider). If this works, be extra careful, plan yourself to leave as quickly as possible and go live your life free of this bunch of Crazy people. Good Luck sweetie!
Do not give him the money. He will bleed you dry and you won’t have the savings to leave.
Show the narcissist that doing that to you wouldn’t phase you one bit, and stick with your cards. Even if he calls your bluff, stick to it. You shouldn’t have to live with fear because his blueprint doesn’t match yours.
If your parents side with him if he does force you to do all of that, if they don’t see the problem with him extorting you to mirror him then I think it’s best you find another place to live. Moving from home sucks but everyone has to take that first step. Sometimes the step comes through a blessing, or through a time like you’re going through. Either way it’ll be a learning experience for you. Maybe possibly try to open up to your parents? I’m sure their views are very out-dated and you can possibly bring light to it.
You could just beat his a$$ for trying to blackmail you 🤔
I think you should ask this question in r/legaladvice.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. There’s no easy way out of this. Do you have any proof he’s been blackmailing you? If not, try to get proof of it & go to the police.
**Homeless Resources**
I think it’s best you prepare to be homeless just in case. If you do follow his demands, I highly doubt you’d ever save enough money to move out.
Is there anyone you can temporaily stay with? Perhaps a full-time job you can get? A cheap hostel ? Government programs to help the poor? Food drives nearby?
If you’re in school, are there any resources you can access for homelessness? Many colleges will provide this. In my city, there’s an entire program in a homeless shelter dedicated to college students. Do you qualify for a scholarship/free dorming?
Do you have any LGTBQ+ resources availible? Is there any nonprofits & groups that help with LGTBQ+ individuals?
**Mental Health**
For the sake of your mental health, do you have access to professional help? If not, access to crisis helplines?
You can also talk to us. I’d be so scared and feel so betrayed in your situation.
Sounds weird. Maybe your brother is just trying to get you to come out. It does sound like a bad move joke.
Are you sure you’ll be kicked out? Are you sure he’ll tell?
My initial reaction is take control and tell them yourself, but I don’t know your situation.
Living with this hanging over your head is horrible. The shortest distance between where you are and regaining control is the best course of action.
….
You might just bluff. Say you’ll tell them yourself, but if you have to do that you’ll make sure to tell everyone he knows or ever meets that he did this. Just an idea.
You need to grow some balls man. You keep saying you’re not confrontational, grow a spine, your brother is acting like a bitch
Ask Jacob to kiss your brother and take a pic then threatens that if he says anything you have the picture
3 words. GASLIGHT. GATEKEEP. GIRLBOSS.
In short: LIE.
Unless he has physical proof of you kissing your bf, then it really never happened. If he keeps threatening you, record a conversation where he brings up his plan, but actively announce/express shock over what he’s doing and his accusations. Make sure to let your bf’s roomate know what you’re doing ahead of time, so she doesn’t provide him with a witness and possible helps you. Do not respond to any texts that could incriminate you. If you have said anything that’s traceable on his end, find time to delete it off his phone. Act like you’re considering his proposition, but in reality, confront your parents over his ‘absurd’ behavior, and spin a plausible story over what he ‘might’ have seen. Make it seem like he’s trying to blackmail you to make up for the fact that he’s having *gasp* premarital sex! 😱
I have no good advice for you. It’s an awful situation. You aren’t doing anything wrong and your parents and brother are horrible people.
Please don’t do what he says. It will just make you feel worse, and eventually when your parents find out anyway you won’t have any money.
What you e brother is doing is very wrong and will crush him socially and in very real ways in the real world. Don’t forget that.
Record your conversations and his demands if it’s legal. Or communicate via text to get evidence. You can let your school know wabout this, possibly police or anyone else.
Either follow through and get help and ruin him. Or let him know what will happen if he follows through is my 2 cents.
What he’s doing sounds like a crime. Not a lawyer but would probably play it safe and report him or at least get some legal advice from a charity/student/LGBT resource.
Don’t pay him a cent, don’t help him out. If he’s willing to be Judas in the relationship he isn’t a real brother. Let him know that and don’t give into his needs. He should be happy or glad that you met someone, and not a trying to blackmail you. He is no brother if he actually rats you out for something like this. Be firm with him, do not back down. Don’t challenge him though, Don’t let him make a challenge out of it. Just tell him no, explain a brother doesn’t do this to a brother and stand your ground like a man. Family shouldn’t be trying to ruin or destroy your life. They should be embracing, being positive, helping you in times of trouble, and redirecting you when you are off path.
It’s time for some fisticuffs with your older brother. Give him a good hard beating and wash your hands of him.
Head him off at the pass if you and your bf are serious make it public knowledge. Problem solved
Wow, what a horrible situation. Bob is a lousy person. You probably need to tell one of your parents, the one you are closer to and hope for the best. I would also tell them about Bob’s lousy threats. It’s a risk, but you have to be honest with yourself and your family. This is not risk free, so you need a back up plan too. Also talk to Bob about the consequences of telling your parents, he will lose a brother and really mess you your life. Do this first, talk to Bob, if he persists, then talk to the closer parent. Tell him blackmail is not an option your willing to agree to.
U can completely deny it. It’s just his word against your’s