how to get over my first love?

tl:dr
my first love, we were quite similar in what we wanted in relationships in the beginning and he was quite optimistic in the beginning during our fighting stage, always telling me we would make it out but then he gave up, changed completely, gave up on me, told me he hated me because I mentally exhausted him and blocked me in the end. I’m seventeen, he is 18

in the beginning he would always cancel his other plans to hang out with me as friends and we hung out regularly, he asked me if I studied, if a ate, shared his secrets with me, loved me, hung out with me above anyone else, treated me well and improved on things he needed to improve on but afterwards recently

he stopped asking me if I had eaten (I have mild ed), if I was sad he would tell me he’s tired of me, that I’m always like this whenever with him, would make jokes about girls that I didn’t like, would talk to flirty girls whom I didn’t like, would like posts of half naked influencer girls, would only give me his full attention on vc when I was doing nsfw stuff for him and would leave right after he was done, stopped planning hangouts, would keep me on call and just play and not care to have meaningful conversations with me anymore, when I let him know I wasn’t getting enough attention and not feeling loved, he told me that he made 5 mins out of his busy schedule for me and I didn’t didn’t appreciate it, he told me he had so much to do, play football, watch series, study for exams, hang out with friends and cant be around to talk to me all day and that I should start studying and find my hobbies of my own and go back to my old self who left him alone and focused on myself

he broke up with me told me I should talk to others and not to worry about him, he was too busy rn for the breakup to hit ( he broke up w me right before our exams, and I cant study rn) he told me to break friendship w two of my friends cus they didn’t like him ofc I did, he told me not to talk with our mutual friend who used to like me okay I did that also, he fought w me very badly once when I hung around in the same room as this friend, even when I didn’t talk to him but only clicked pictures

after we broke up I told my friends how he was toxic in more ways and one of my closest friends told her friend who she knew would tell her bf who wud tell everyone and in that way my ex came to know and scolded me and even used slangs to tell me on text that I was cheap and not a good person for spreading things about him, that it’s always about me, what happens to his reputation? now ppl will think I’m like this, that’s what he said and blocked me and started talking to other girls

before he said he didn’t want to do anything with anyone but after he met me that changed and no matter what he didn’t ever wanna lose me his bestfriend, he would tell his mom about me but he didn’t even tell his brother like older friend that he was in a serious relo with me, told me as our goals were the same we would stay together during college in the same state but recently he told me he didn’t want to stay in the same state, but blocked me and told me never to show him my face again because of something that wasn’t my fault ( my friend snitching on me)

now ways in which I was toxic, I had trust issues with him because he’s a very friendly person who talks with every regardless and cares about his friendly image, I don’t like when girls are clingy over him and i told him to not pay any attention to them otherwise they came and touched him and came between us, he used to follow a lot of influences and celebs on instagram and regularly liked their pictures, bikini and normal, saved those in his phone even after we started dating and I ahted that he was fine with it when he still liked me but then started telling me that I was taking away his freedom and that he needs to follow then back again and I was like okay im being overdramatic but I really really hate it, please dont do it still, I cry whenever he likes any post of any
grl just cus she is pretty and he tells me that why am I making such a big deal out of it I’m pretty she’s pretty why r u insecure, but maybe deep inside I wud have liked a quick apology I’m sorry for doing something that made u cry, maybe I am wrong for that, I think.

I told him about a guy touching me which I didn’t like and he just said lol and that I should be more proper so it doesn’t happen again and when I told something bad that happened to my sister he laughed at the incident, I wanted to play valorent with him but he said that he didn’t want to because the characters were boring now but the same night he played till 4am with his friends, he loved me so much before, telling me that he will never get over me to telling me that he wanted to become a playboy now and flirt with other girls right after we break up

I know it’s all futile but it just hurts to see my love get wasted, i always wanted to give my all just to one person forever and now that I have he just left me like this, blocked, enjoying his life talking with others, it just hurts like hell, I don’t know how long it will take for my heartache to go away, I never deserved this but I did learn all the lessons I needed to, I changed into a better person, I’m sorry if I hurt you bub, I hope I am forgiven, I just loved him a lot, still do, even though he thinks I should stop, and if I don’t he’ll go away to some place where I’ll never see him again ( he told me that after qe broke up)

he used to tell me he hated whenever I cried, that I made him suffer by crying, that I deserve better and that he can’t change for me, why don’t I leave him? guess he was really serious back when he said all this, I should’ve known better long ago, I fought and fought for nothing