I do this thing where I will become super fixated/ obsessed with a person or people that I want to be friends with or date…. Like always watching everything on their social media, like watching all their stories, constantly looking at their page and posts, looking at all their tagged pictures, looking at all their friends accounts and watching all their stories and looking for posts with that one person….
I started doing this because these people would be completely uninterested in me and ignore me and want nothing to do with me, like they just wouldn’t give a shit about me and would never want to talk to me when I would try to talk to them or be friends with them.
Like in high school I switched schools basically every year and if you’re new in high school no one will talk to you or befriend you- period. that’s exactly what happened to me. It was only acceptable if someone started talking to you first and if they very specifically like gave you a metaphorical hand written invitation to come hang out with them at lunch/ to join their friends group so you wouldn’t be alone all the time. That was literally the only acceptable way for you to have friends and not be alone so for 3 years so I literally just sat around and waited for that to happen. Which it literally never did and so my life literally just passed me by and the only option I had was to sit around and constantly watch everyone’s social media while they went places and dated people and had whole relationships and friends I could only stalk them online and watch from the sidelines and watch my life pass me by while I missed out on milestone experiences just because people didn’t want to talk to me or be friends with me and I couldn’t just go and talk to them so literally what was I supposed to do in that situation?
My mom used to always tell me that if I wanted to be included or be a part of a group I needed to just walk up to a group of people/ friends and just include myself and start talking to them and hanging out with them then they will just accept me and then I will be a part of the group and have friends and that’s it. So after waiting around for years for someone to befriend me or invite me to hang out with them (which never happened) I just one day asked these people in this friend group if I could start hanging out with them at lunch at school and they said ok this one day, and after that I just went there every day without saying anything or asking anyone and started hanging out with that group and being part of them- just like my mom said. And at first they were ok with it and everyone acted like they liked me and no one said anything or had a problem with it but then this one girl in the group all of a sudden started acting like she had a problem with me and would just glare at me then one day she just told me to stop hanging out with them because ‘nobody liked me’ and everyone just sat there and watched and didn’t say anything. So I had no friends again
Those things were the reason why I would sit on the sidelines and not take part in life (how was I supposed to?) and always just constantly watch people I wanted to date or be friends with through social media but watching everything they do while they would ignore me if I tried talking to them…
Another time recently was when I tried talking to a guy online I didn’t know, he told me he wasn’t interested because he ‘didn’t know me’ then he blocked me when I messaged him again…
I don’t know how to stop being fixated on people like this
2 comments
beside the gender, im the same
Well to be friends with people you need to talk to people. You can’t just silently sit by yourself and expect people to talk to you, especially in adulthood. It won’t happen. You also need to be self aware of how you come off to people which can be very hard especially if you haven’t had any social interactions most of your life. Study how other people act around each other. You won’t be friends with everyone especially without social skills but there are groups that will still accept you. Find those groups, people that are kind of like you. From there actually talk to them, become friends. From there keep talking to people and flexing your social skills. It takes a long time to get there starting from scratch. You’re going to fail and be embarrassed a lot. You’ll probably get rejected a lot. Which is FINE. Because you keep growing from those experiences until you mold your social skills into what you want.