My fiancé (27M) cheated on me (23FTM) online for two years. We have been dating for 4, so half that time he was cheating on me. I am having the hardest time regaining confidence and knowing if forgiving him was the right choice. If anyone between the ages of 19 and 30 have any interest in helping me figure out if my fiancé would cheat on me again or not, that would be amazing! He’s particularly interested in trans women who are subby, but FtM guys and cis women are also apparently too tempting to pass up for him. I am struggling with self esteem so hard and need to know if I should worry as much as I do. TIA!
19 comments
I think the bigger question here is – why are you still dating a cheater?
If you need to do this, you need to dump him. Be with someone who’s not a dirty cheater.
He will do it again
He’s not cheating “anymore”? oh, thank God!
WTF?! Dump this loser and move on! Seriously. This guy is not good for you at all and he’s probably just going to bring something home to expose you to. I know easier said than done, but you deserve so much better than this bozo.
Based on your post, this is not someone who’s ready for marriage.
What you already know is that he cheated on you for half of your relationship. Why put time and energy into figuring out if he’s still doing it?
If you’re really really sure that the relationship is worth it, your time would be better spent communicating with him, strengthening the relationship, and working on rebuilding trust. If you don’t have trust you don’t have a solid relationship anyway.
Oh hun, no….Don’t marry this man.
Cheaters lie. He is not an exception. If you continue with this relationship he will suck the very soul out of you.
Source: My handsome, intelligent, charismatic, wealthy, slightly older business owner ex of 4,5 years cheated and I stayed. Therapy, waterworks, false promises, everything. He did it again when I had to go take care of a family member with cancer, and was consistently lying and unsympathetic throughout the relationship. The vast majority was porn addiction and paying for sex workers on stream and for sexting. However, many e-mails and purchases showed that he gave his address, phone number, and even purchased his ex a ticket to stay with him for a few days.
Your fiancé is not an exception. Only you can decide if you’re really willing to put up with him while unfaithful, but don’t marry him assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship.
🚩🚩🚩Neither of you is ready for this commitment. The act you’re propositioning is called a “vibe check” and it’s *highly frowned upon* by experts in ethical conflict resolution.
My guy, it’s not too late to cut and run. Save yourself future heartache
I’m down let’s go
If you can’t bring yourself to trust him, the relationship is over. Move on
There’s more to cheating then just getting busy at it. There’s the lying, the multiple premediated choices, the sneakiness, the on-the-spot choices, trickle truthing, etc. You cannot ever fully trust someone who felt it was okay to make multiple choices along the way to do what they were doing. They were content with that living that lifestyle for half of the relationship. At the end of the day, you don’t know who this person is at their core at all.
Honey… leave him. You deserve to be with someone that will not cheat on you at all or drive you to question your trust in them.
How bout we help you break up with this cheating pos??
*”We have been dating for 4, so half that time he was cheating on me”*
He does NOT give a fuck about you OR your mental health, this was not a “one time, had too much to drink, whoopsie” this a decision for 2 YEARS to cheat, 730 days of cheating.
*”I am having the hardest time regaining confidence”*
Work on YOURSELF, do things you have wanted to do but never did, set small goals for yourself and praise yourself when you complete them, know that you do NOT deserve to be treated like this.
*”and knowing if forgiving him was the right choice”*
It’s not……..
*”If anyone between the ages of 19 and 30 have any interest in helping me figure out if my fiancé would cheat on me again or not”*
He will, because why would he not? He cheated for 2 years and you’re still with him, there was no negative consequence for him cheating for 2 years.
*”I am struggling with self esteem so hard and need to know if I should worry as much as I do”*
No, you should not worry as much as you do, because you should NOT be with him anymore.
The guy is a SCUMBAG, He hurt you, brought you down and is keeping you down.
“Cut yourself loose”, build yourself back up, grab life by the balls and SHINE!!!!
You’re worth it, NOW DO IT!!!!
No. End the relationship.
Hey just wanted to pop in here to say leave that guy
I truly do not understand trying to continue dating someone, but also planning to marry, someone who cheated on you. Then, because you, rightfully, don’t trust them, you’re doing detective work. Some good advice I’ve heard. If you have to become a detective in your relationship, it’s over. The trust is completely gone and it’s not coming back.
What is FTM?
I know this has been said and I’m not going against the grain here, you should leave him.
He didn’t just cheat once in a oh I got to drunk type night he actively cheated on you for 2 years, that feeling you have of insecurity is completely normal and often times is made worse by the partner who will feed into your insecurities so you feel like you have no choice but to stay with them.
You say in your comments that are life’s are to tangled together to leave or something along those lines that in fact is never true, if you feel it’s true I would like you to ask yourself has he purposefully made me feel that way?
Your 23 your young you started to date him when you where 19 you have so much more life to experience no matter how tangled your finances are or your family and friends none of that matters because your 23 you met when you where 19 I’m telling you now no one will blame you for leaving you have years to rebuild finances and to find the person who will truly love you.