TLDR-older brother took off his wedding ring and overtly flirted with other women while drunk (he has a wife and kids). I witnessed this. I’m horrified and I don’t know not to bring it up to him.
My (25F) brother (30M) and I are close. He has his issues but he’s a good person. He has a wife and kids with her. They live the normal suburban nuclear family life and have a great relationship I think. Last year I went out with him and his friends for drinks. His behavior disgusted and horrified me.
He got drunk and began to overtly flirt with random women. He would take off his wedding ring and flirt. He bragged to his buddies about his wife’s body. I told him to stop, and he ignored me and even like…hid from me(?) to continue flirting. I think he did this partially to prove to his friends that “he’s still got it”. To say he is normally insufferable when he is drunk is an understatement. But this was ridiculous. I was and still am angry, ashamed and disappointed. I can’t look at him the same way.
I didn’t bring it up at the time because I didn’t know how. But in a few months, he will be going on a guys trip to Las Vegas and I am legitimately worried he might cheat on his wife. I am getting dinner with him next weekend and I want to discuss his behavior that night and his behavior when he is drunk in general. But I am not sure how or if I even should. I do not want to ruin our relationship, but I feel like I need to say something. If nothing but for my own peace of mind.
How do I go about this without upsetting him? I get emotional so I want to write out what I want to say and either give it to him or read it out loud to him so I don’t burst into anger and say something I regret.
2 comments
Imo you should tell him that you like to describe him as a good person but you’re not going to be able to do that much longer because of the way he behaves…
Writing out what you want to say is a good idea. Your brother probably will get upset, as a defensive tactic, if nothing else. I’d avoid straight-up anger. Instead, I’d say that his behavior disturbed you. You never imagined he’d be the kind of guy to take his ring off and flirt with women. He used to be better than that; what’s happened?
He’ll probably tell you it’s none of your business. You might say that you thought you were his friend as well as his brother, so you feel obligated to tell him that throwing his marriage away chasing a piece of ass is a dumb idea. You might ask him how he’d feel if he learned his wife was taking off her ring and flirting with men when drunk.
TBH, he’s probably not going to listen, but you might feel better for having gotten it off your chest.