Hi guys, throwaway account since I’m not sure if she browses here or not.
I’ve known my best friend for 3 years now, met her at work (she was married at the time we met). We no longer work together but remain very close and see each other often.
Since becoming super close about a year ago, I can’t help but notice that she constantly talks about the attention she gets from random guys (married or not, it’s a mess here) and it’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me to hear since I’m close friends with her husband and respect him A LOT. As far as I know they don’t have any issues in their marriage and get along very well, so it makes me wonder why she needs so much validation elsewhere. All I know is I am uncomfortable when she speaks so openly about it with me that random dudes stare at her and make passes/comments and she sees nothing wrong with it (she actually is very flattered by it, even when it’s a married dude).
How do I talk to her about this without hurting her feelings?
TL;DR: best friend is married but won’t stop talking about other guys hitting on her, how to confront?
5 comments
Does her husband have a problem with it?
I kind of suspect she knows who she is by now. And maybe he doesn’t mind. Maybe he likes it. And maybe he hates it. It doesn’t sound like you know though.
If it bothers you, then talk to her about why it bothers you, or hang out with her less if she’s not the kind of person you want to be friends with, but acting offended on behalf of her husband about something that bothers you personally isn’t the way.
I mean if you want to address it I’d just tell her it makes you uncomfortable to hear about people hitting on married folks, even though you don’t personally think she’s being unfaithful. You could even say you’ve had some bad experiences with infidelity and would rather not think about it.
It’s possible she’s just getting off on this kinda thing, not that she ‘needs’ it per se but thoroughly enjoys it, hell for all we know her husband is kinda in on/into it.
It happens whether she mentions it to you or not so I don’t see why you’d feel bad for the husband
The problem here isn’t here or how her husband feels- it’s how you feel about it. You seem to think she’s in the wrong here for acknowledging the fact that she gets attention, and I don’t know her so I can’t speak to what her reasons might be. However, you come off a little jealous and judgmental here and you seem to be trying to make it seem like it’s not about you feeling like that- but about her husbands feelings and what she’s doing “wrong”.
Maybe you need to think about *why* it bothers you so much- are you jealous? Is it a moral thing? Why do you feel the need to “confront her”?
If you have boundaries- you can address them, but I see no reason to “confront her”.
I don’t understand why this is a problem for you? So she gets a lot of attention and she talks about it. So what?