The other day my friend told me he wanted to talk to meit about something. Apparently my ex girlfriend (we dated for about 9 months) messaged him outta nowhere and started asking him things like “how you been” and “do you still live in blank town”. He says he asked for her number to see what she was wanting. It was weird to hear she dm’d him like that after a while of not talking. It was also weird that he asked for her number.
When I asked him if he was trying to hook up with her, he said “not if you’ dont want me to”. This REALLY bothered me. I told him that I did not want him trying anything. He said it was no problem and that our friendship meant more than some girl. We continued hanging out but it never really left my head. It seems like he brought it up hoping I would bless him making a move on her. If he were really my friend, I feel he shouldn’t have even thought about it. I’m not sure how much i can trust him anymore. How should I handle this?
TLDR: Ex GF messaged friend and he appeared interested in trying to hook up. He says he won’t, but I’m not fully convinced.
3 comments
Why are you trying so hard to turn a win into a loss?
He was honest with you about what he did. HE came up to you with this information unprompted. He even deferred to you and asked permission. And when you shot him down, he affirmed your friendship was more valuable than getting with her.
Aside from him engaging her in the first place… all of this is up to bro code standards.
I guess the real question mark here is why are you acting so possessive over a relationship that didn’t even last a year? You left out a lot of details there. Like who broke up with who? How hurt are you still by this breakup? Is there bad blood there? Do you still want to be with her or have you actually moved on?
Unless this woman is taking up valuable real estate in your head and heart, I don’t know why you’d put yourself in a position where you have to ditch a friend. You all are adults here. This isn’t high school. Again, unless she still means something real to you and if enough time has passed… why stand in their way if things can work out for them?
Why don’t you trust your friend?
I guess I’m a little confused. Maybe it’s an age or maturity thing, I don’t know, but why do you care so much? The relationship wasn’t even a year, and it’s over.
The best advice anyone could give you is to not care. Why does it matter if he hooks up with her? Honestly he did more than he needed to by bringing it to your attention.