We’ve been dating for over three years (both early 20s) and a few months ago we bought an apartment together. This past weekend we had a few friends over for drinks, it was about 10 people. Most of them were her guy friends. They all left at around midnight except for one of her friends, it’s a guy that she works with. We kept drinking and watching something random on Netflix then her friend suggested we play this stupid challenges board game. It’s one of those “spin the bottle” type games with stupid dares. Some of the dares are sexual but most of them are just random. We played that for a bit till he left at around 3am.
The next morning my girlfriend was upset with me because I wasn’t more jealous while we were playing the game. She says I shouldn’t have been okay with her friend doing some of the dares. I told her I didn’t get what the big deal was especially since she was okay with it at the time. And she said that she was okay with it and she enjoyed it but she wanted me to be more jealous. Quite frankly I’m just confused about this situation. And I don’t know how to react to that. And I don’t know if I should be more jealous?
TLDR girlfriend got upset with me after not being jealous while playing a “dares” game
7 comments
Wait, I’m confused. Why would you be jealous of her friend doing the dares? Wouldn’t your jealousy be of HER doing the dares?
Regardless of what anyone will tell you, there’s no “healthy level of jealousy” that you should be feeling. So congrats for being above what most people consider the jealous type. I’ve actually found that to be a massive benefit in LTRs.
I’m the same as you I don’t get jealous regardless of what my wife does. For me though your GF is in the wrong actually. I don’t know about your relationship, but in mine allowing another guy to touch her boobs would be cheating for me. As I said, I don’t get jealous, but that doesn’t mean we have endless boundaries for cheating. To me that would be cheating within the boundaries of my relationship.
I expect your GF allowed it to happen as she wanted to make you jealous which is very immature.
Fucking mind games. I would not tolerate that.
Not much that can really come from this, you can’t force yourself to be jealous and neither can she, it will feel weird for you and probably look fake if you try to pretend.
Sounds like one of her insecurities, she probably thinks that you being less protective means that she means less to you. When in reality it probably just means your more open or very trusting of her.
It’s ok to not be overly protective and defensive, it might mean your not insecure about her leaving or being taken because you trust her or don’t have previous wounds.
Some people just aren’t the jealous type, and have very loose boundaries when it comes to messing around with others.
I would personally be jealous if I was you since the FRIEND was the one who wanted to play this game maybe aware/unaware of the sexual dares. I would never want a girl to touch my boyfriend and it’s also extra triggering for me since my boyfriend got a FWB with a girl that way.
But as a girl myself if I wasn’t okay with them I would’ve said no and just not do the sexual dares. I wouldn’t have blamed my boyfriend, but since I know him I know he would be jealous. It’s just different people.
If she didn’t actually want it she should’ve taken a stand and if in case she was “testing” you explain to her that you didn’t like it (or maybe you’re into that) but she was more than capable of saying NO in your own apartment with you in it. Maybe a “no, that’s enough” from you would’ve been something she wanted.
I don’t understand the whole attractive jealousy type trope. I think all levels of jealousy are toxic. Protecting your partner from harassment is different, but obviously this was not the case. She was definitely testing and trying to make you upset. That’s a very toxic trait. If she’s okay with said male friend doing this it wouldn’t be a surprise if she was okay with more. I would have a serious conversation with her about this. Wanting your partner to be jealous and purposely doing so will never end well. I think you handled the situation well, a jealous partner isn’t something to be proud of or faun over.
I once went out with this girl who had this same fixation.
I was a bit older and so she was going out to clubs a bit more than I was. I was happy with it because I trusted her, but she used to tell me stories about guys trying to get with her and her turning them down. And then she used to get really angry about the fact that I wasn’t angry about it or jealous. She said that me supporting her independence and trusting her was actually coming across as being uncaring of her actions. Looking back, I think she would tell me the stories looking for attention, and for reassurance of the relationship as she had a lot of anxiety problems.