I like my friends but one thing that just happens constantly and is really annoying me is the fact that they have 0 respect for my time at all. It’s a consistent thing where we’ll make plans to do something, set a day/time, and then when the day comes I’m just sitting around waiting for hours and hours on end until they eventually show up later than the time we planned saying that they’re unavailable. I get that sometimes things come up and you can be busy but ffs please tell me before hand so I’m not sitting around waiting for you to show up/come online. I’ve made it very clear that I don’t like this and that they shouldn’t do it yet they just keep doing it over and over again. We’re all usually busy during the week because of school so time on the weekend is special because we actually have a chance to do things together but they keep just wasting all my time. How should I deal with this?
TL;DR Friends don’t respect my time and anytime we make plans for something on weekends they’ll make me wait for hours on end until eventually showing up way past the time we agreed on saying how they’re busy/unavailable. They never tell me ahead of time they’ll be busy or ever apologise despite me telling them multiple times that I don’t like when they do this.
3 comments
People who can’t keep their commitments do not get to reserve my time. So, I would recommend making no plans with them that rely on them showing up. Things like, “I’m going to be going to X event at Y time, if you want to show up too, that’d be fun.” then you go without them and if you see them there, great, and if they do not show, oh well, you were going anyway. This means seeing them less. They can also try to make last minute plans if they want to see you more. If they say, hey I’d like to come over, are you available? If you happen to be, you can say yes, sure, come over. If you aren’t, oh well.But you do not hold and waste time for people who regularly do not use it. You can invite them over if it wouldn’t cause you any harm that night if they show up late or not at all, but really think about your invites and only make ones where their inconsiderate behavior will not harm you.
I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
From what you wrote, it sounds like they might not value your friendship as much as you value theirs. Otherwise, they would at least let you know they were going to be late.
My advice is to have a one more conversation with them about this. Ask them why. Let them know that they have one more chance. If they are late again without at least communicating with you again, that’s it. You won’t be waiting around for them and your plans with them will no longer be first priority.
I know it sounds harsh, but unless they have really good reasons for doing this to you, I think it’s time to find other things to do at the weekends. In particular, it might be good to find another friends to spend time with.
It sucks to be friends with people who don’t value your time – just remember that it’s your choice how you spend it. You don’t have to be available for people who aren’t available for you. It sounds like you did a good job of communicating with them about this problem and you deserve credit for that!
However, since their response shows you that they don’t respect/ value your time, you have two choices:
– You can remain friends with them, but when you plan to spend time with them, decide ahead of time how long you feel is acceptable to wait. Let’s say you’re okay with waiting for an hour … and when plans are made, just tell them in advance, “Ok, if I don’t hear from you guys in an hour, I’ll be (doing something else/ unavailable, etc).
-You can drop them altogether.