I (19F) and my bf (21M), have been together for a better half of a year. We recently moved in together and everything has been going smoothly. Except, I keep catching him in lies. I’d consider myself a pretty honest person, don’t get me wrong, I fib here and there but who doesn’t? it’s never anything really important, and never anything that would hurt someone else. My bf however, I have caught in multiple lies, started as little things here and there, such as saying he’s done something or seen something when he obviously haven’t, but now recently i have caught him in a rather big one. My bf previously lived with his exes siblings, which as you could imagine was a bit of a messy situation. but he assured me he was 100% over his ex and his living arrangement was simply situational, which I understood, you can’t just back out of a lease. But one day, out of the blue, i get a friend request from said ex. Now let me state, i am not a jealous person in the slight, so i never found it necessary to find his exes socials or to view them, he said he was over her, and i believed him, but once she sent me the request i viewed her profile and found my bf was still following her, and has liked many of her recent posts. Which did not upset me. I’m not possessive, i had no problem with the fact that he followed her, but what followed next really upset me. I texted him nonchalantly saying “oh, your ex tried to follow me haha” and he says “oh really?”, and i say “yeah probably because you follow each other, she found my account.”. Then he completely denies following her! and quickly unfollows! this left me shocked. why did he feel the need to lie? we argue back and forth about it until i finally get him to admit it. it didn’t bother me until he lied, after that it left a sour taste in my mouth, but i chose to forgive and forget.
months go by, and little lie after little lie build up until we get to today. Today is my birthday, and we just recently moved, so i’ve been feeling a bit lonely. i waited by my phone for a while, hoping for birthday messages that never came. Even my bf had yet to wish me a happy birthday. He was laying on my hip and i happen to glance at his phone at just right time to see that he was viewing the only birthday wish i had gotten, a facebook post by my dad. i watch him quickly pull down his lock screen and check the date, then look at me and give a half ass smile and say “happy birthday baby”. i look over and say, “hah you saw my dads facebook post.” and he looks me dead in the eyes and says, “no i didn’t, i remembered”, with the same forced smile. The way he can easily lie to me like that makes me sick, I know this current situation isn’t big, but you can only take so much lying. all i can think now is, what else have you been lying to me about?? but i don’t even want to start arguments about catching him in lies anymore, i feel like i’d just waste my breathe and he’d respond with more lies.
2 comments
He’s lying when he feels unsafe, it’s likely linked to his childhood and it’s a really hard thing to deal with. You could just say, look, I know you aren’t telling me the truth right now, I am guessing it’s because you don’t feel safe to”. Try not to use the word lie or liar as they are full of judgement and he’s not likely to admit to lying, but might admit to not telling the truth
I don’t think I could be with a known, constant and unrepentant liar. Like you said, what else are they lying about? What are they hiding that I haven’t caught on to? Trust is very important in a relationship and I wouldn’t be able to trust anything they say.