Basically a girl cancelled 2nd Date and never got back to me until 4 days later. She said she didn’t want to be with me or have any sort of relationship but could remain friends. I said no because I’m a busy guy looking for someone who is going to stand by my side through my busy life…
Some girl at work said that was a mistake because the way tinder works meeting people and expecting a spark immediately is false… she said people often get feelings over time which I guess is true.. this now makes me think maybe being friends and seeing her again could have changed things..
Another part of me still thinks I was right considering what I I looking for . Also… seems a bit disrespectful someone meeting me on a dating app and then wanting to be friends and accepting that… thats like all my dignity being sweeped under a rug?… right??
41 comments
You did what was right.
The other acceptable option is to just agree with being friends then drop out of her life anyhow lol
You are 100% right here. When someone rejects you, it’s not your job to take a consolation prize. Either your needs match, or they don’t.
You were right. When a woman says she wants to be friends, 99.9% of the time its just her polite way of saying she’s not into you. She won’t have her feelings hurt if you’re not her platonic bestie.
Also, I feel like while most guys who are “just friends” with women understand they are not entitled to a romantic relationship with a woman, they sometimes don’t understand that likewise she is not entitled to your platonic friendship.
If you stay “friends” with her it’s possible she might develop feelings over time, but would be an uphill with low chance of success.
Most likely she was just trying to let you down easy.
Her interest level is low, so better to move on and find someone with a higher level of interest in you.
You did the right thing. Offers of friendship after dates are rarely genuine offers. She was just trying to be nice.
Ur female coworker has never dated as a man.
She is an idiot.
She wanted to keep you around for attention and validation. She had no intention of actually being real friends.
What your coworker said is what women are constantly railing against, men who are only friends with women with the hope of things leading to a relationship.
“let’s be friends” just means “no thanks and goodbye”, without being rude. It typically doesn’t mean they actually want a friendship…
It doesn’t really matter if it’s tender or not any dating site or dating app features some of the same things
what I mean by that is that some people are on there looking for friends and some people are on there looking for romance
You are under no obligation to be only friends with somebody that you want to have a romantic relationship with
Just like they don’t need to be a romantic partner with you if they only want to be your friend
So you did just fine to say no to the friendship because you’re not on the app to try to increase your circle of friendships. You’re on the app to try to find a romantic partner
You missed nothing
“She said no to dating. I said no to friends. wrong?”
Never offer or accept *friendship* as a “consolation prize”.
Volunteering to enter into the *friendzone* is an exercise in self-torture.
When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it’s usually best to move on.
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”
***”Decide what kind of life you actually want. Then say no to everything that isn’t that.”*** – Unknown
***”Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.”*** – Unknown
***”Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.”*** – Steve Maraboli
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Só not wrong. You were in a dating app. You might take longer time going out with someone to be closer but it’s not the purpose. You have it clear and that’s great.
Saying it bluntly like that is always going to sound wrong to women.
*I feel like we’re missing this friendship connection. This isn’t gonna work between us*
Give her feeling, then the fact.
You are correct
Lol… remain friends? Y’all went on one date and she decided she wasn’t attracted, she’s not interested in being friends. You were right and don’t second guess your decision. Why waste time building a friendship when that time can be spent looking for someone who is actually interested/attracted to you and sees your worth? Go on and focus on what you are looking for.
You’re wrong. You don’t need to be best friends, but there’s a chance she knows people you don’t. Use this as a way to expand your social circle. This will be far more beneficial than dating apps or anything else.
I’ll be honest where the first guy I met off tinder literally turned into one of my best friends because neither one of us wanted to date each other after meeting but decided to actually follow through with being friends cause we were both new to the area and knew basically no one. But this is not the norm and was something we both wanted cause we vibed but were not ready for a relationship. However, if you do not want a friend out of her there is absolutely no reason to have her be a friend. Friends take time and effort to make and keep. There’s no need to make friends when you’re not looking for friends.
She didn’t like your looks. You did the right thing
Not a mistake as long as you weren’t misrepresenting yourself
“Let’s be friends” is an easy let down. Most people who say this actually have no intention to remain friends. She’s within her rights to not want to date you and likewise you don’t owe her a friendship.
no, you were in the right. just ok. and do not block. sometimes they come back around when you handle rejection like a champ
never show bitterness even if you are bitter.
If she liked you romantically she would have said “let’s slow down” instead of wanting to stop all together.
Uhm no. Connection CAN grow, but often times at the start you know if a relationship isn’t possible. So being friends with them only to keep trying to date her is not a good idea. Not to mention that it’s disrespectful. You would only be friends with someone, because you’re hoping to get with then. That’s fucked up.
You’d also be wasting your time, because she most likely is never going to like you.
She made her choice. You made yours.
not wrong, the offer of friendship after a couple dates is a soft rejection and the friendship would have slowly fizzed out with time.
>Some girl at work said that was a mistake because the way tinder works meeting people and expecting a spark immediately is false… she said people often get feelings over time which I guess is true.
It used to be that people would find relationships within their social group. So they usually knew each other before dating and got to know each other gradually.
Now many guys want to do online dating, speed dating, or cold approaching women on the street, bars, or clubs. This often fails because its hard for many women to have a spark with someone they just met, so they usually make their choice based on looks.
>this now makes me think maybe being friends and seeing her again could have changed things..
A woman won’t fall in love with every male friend she has. So this friendship most likely won’t become romantic. But its possible you might meet one of her female friends and hit it off. If you make enough female friends and acquaintances then chances are you will find someone.
Maybe she suggested being friends as a way of politely turning you down and she has no desire to be your friend. If you are turning her friendship down a more polite way is to accept her offer but never pursue the friendship further. If you’d enjoy her friendship even if it stayed that way then agree to be friends and meet up again.
>Also… seems a bit disrespectful someone meeting me on a dating app and then wanting to be friends and accepting that… thats like all my dignity being sweeped under a rug?.
She doesn’t owe you anything and it was nice of her to offer you her friendship. Your dignity has nothing to do with this because you aren’t entitled to anything from her.
You are right, if you are looking for a relationship and she isn’t then don’t waste your time
You did the right thing. You are on the app to date and find someone, not to make more friends.
You were right, girl at work was super wrong. So wrong it’s laughable
Your coworker is selling you bullshit.
You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.
The girl at your office is full shit, you can’t be so dense to rly think this is ever gonna work (staying friends after being rejected to develop into a relationship is pure Disney fiction).
Stay away from her and her “smart” advices.
No you did the right thing. Also (and I don’t care how many downvotes I get here) never take dating advice from women about women. They cancel each other out.
So girl who’s giving you advice: the advice is about HERSELF because when she turns down a guy she may still want the option to be friends. It inflates ego and gives her another buddy to vent to.
You’re busy. No time for “friends” who are girls. You want fun dates with possibilities of romance and fun. Stick to that eventually you’ll get what you want (the chick you told that may even come back in a few weeks you’d be surprised lol)
It’s true that sometimes it takes time for feelings to develop, but make no mistake. If a woman is putting you in the “friend” category you’re not likely to get out of it.
Women aren’t like men. Men will consider having sex with most women they know if they proposed it, friends or not. But women will generally decide if you are “friend” material or “fuck” material very quickly after meeting you.
Other fish, move on
“Let’s be friends” works only if you want a new friend and think that the other person is it. Otherwise the other person benefits and you don’t.
You’re not obligated to accept any sort of friendship if you don’t want to
You checked her. Congratulations.
No, you absolutely did the right thing. Never settle for friends with someone you’re interested in.
>..she said people often get feelings over time which I guess is true..
It can happen but don’t go into a friendship banking on this. It doesn’t usually happen and it ends up with one or both of you feeling bad because you are in a type of relationship you don’t want and she’s got a “friend” who doesn’t really want to be her friend.
A lot of people, men and women, promote this idea that guys should invest loads of time being a woman’s friend the win them over and it’s bad for everyone involved. Most of the time it doesn’t work and it puts guys off being upfront and straightforward about how they feel and encourages them not to accept a rejection and move on.
Be clear about what you want from the relationship, if she says no then move on. This might mean you miss out occasionally but it’s good advice most of the time.