Fellow men of reddit, why is therapy so neglected in this sub and IRL

33 comments

  2. I make it a point to tell people when therapy is probably in their best interest. Especially in this sub.

  3. Its not but someone thats been to therapy the only thing they really do is make u self reflect to fix ur own problems. Recommand any form of mediation and save ur money.

  7. Twofold:

    Firstly, therapy is expensive. Many insurance policies either don’t cover it, or cover only limited amounts, and finding a provider who accepts your insurance in the first place can be a challenge.

    Secondly, therapy is largely designed to help women and children. Many therapists do not have the experience treating men that they do treating women/kids and the same methods often are counter productive.

  9. Some are too proud to admit that they have negative feelings or hide issues they’re dealing with.

  10. Therapy isn’t a catch all for everyone and everything. A lot of therapists are straight up ignorant of how to treat men.

  12. lots of reasons.

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    A) it didn’t work for some people, either because they didn’t put in the commitment, their therapist sucked, or it was the wrong treatment option for them, so they believe it won’t work for others either.

    or they believe therapy will “cure” their issues, and it won’t. there’s no “curing” mental health issues. there’s only coping. learning how to process emotions so they stop deciding how we feel in daily life.

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    B) they struggle under the unfortunate burden of believing “therapy is for women”

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    C) they have the mindset that “we need to fix ourselves”, or that lifting a barbell and running will somehow make deep-seated mental health issues disappear

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    D) they can’t afford it or otherwise don’t have access to it

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    E) they’re utterly ravaged with depression and despair, believing they aren’t worth the care or attention, or that they’re being a burden to others, or that nothing can possibly help them because their issues are too severe, or their mental health issues hinder their ability to make and attend the appointments

  14. expensive and we’ve been programmed not to accept it or process it based on our upbringing. If you want to dive further into that, costs go up for deeper dives. I stopped seeing my amazing therapist because $150/hr wasn’t doing for me, and he was truly great at what he does. There was some effectiveness.

    We’re also raised on “don’t be a bitch” so

  15. Its expensive, it requires you to emotionally vulnerable, you have to trust a stranger, its slow and it doesn’t SOLVE your problems, it helps you cope with them better.

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    Despite all this I think therapy can be very helpful for a large portion of people but I completely understand the resistance to it.

  16. I think because for a man it’s hard to put trust in someone else, especially someone you’ve just met.

    My only experience with therapy was taking a foster child to her visits. She gave a terrible impression as to what a therapist is and what they can do. She gave the most laughable advice I’ve ever heard and really only seemed to come up with reasons to keep coming to therapy, that the state was I’m sure paying a pretty penny for. I understand she was probably one of the ‘bad apples’ in an otherwise good field but first impressions are the biggest ones

  18. I’ve let a very traumatic life, family members dying at young age, abused in schools, chronically ill family members, and the therapy I did receive I found it to be ineffective. I think many people get their degrees and in reality have no special talent for the particular field they’re in, so they go through life by the numbers and it screws people up. Later in life I considered getting therapy, just for someone to hear your pain and what you’re going through, but time after time I see therapists giving bad advice.

    An ex who I’m still friends with and was always a highly sexual person was convinced that she’s part of the LGQBT community and in reality an asexual person. So now she has a sense of community and is asexual…which is alot of trouble for her poor husband who wants to remain faithful to a wife who claims she doesn’t want to be touched at all. And I’m sorry but I disagree with the therapist I think his advice and his guiding her is going to split up the marriage (they have kids) and she’s going to be at fault. It’s not his fault. His wife sold a certain idea of who she was, and now she’s completely changed that. It’s kind of disgusting all the little details of this. And the asexual nature goes against hers, she’s not thinking she might be a lesbian and the therapist who encouraged her to be asexual is encouraging it, whereas previously he was discouraging heterosexual relationships.

  21. Idk it seems like it’s talked about pretty constantly. I’m sure some people need professional help with their brain chemistry/traumatic experiences but personally I’m able to get by just fine and nothing all that bad has happened to me. I guess if you need it, you know.

  23. Therapy isn’t the magic fix everything button some people on reddit are trying to push. It’s also expensive, time consuming, and often not covered by insurances. You get older guys who have survived thus far, trying to convince them paying someone 150 an hour to ask “and how does that make you feel” will make a quantifiable difference is a hard sale.

    Plus, anecdotal evidence, you can check the post history of a lot of the most vocal therapy advocates and understand why they ended up at the therapist. Being stressed and talking to ghosts in the closet are very different things.

  24. Therapy is an admission of weakness. It goes against the ethos of masculinity and is within direct conflict with pride.

  25. Because too many men think it doesn’t work- which it won’t for them because they don’t take it seriously. You get out of it what you put into it. Unfortunately society teaches us that feeling anything other than anger is “gay.”

  26. I’m not really sold on the idea of another person being able to solve my problems through a transactional relationship.

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    Better plan? Stop depending on others. They’re why I have problems in the first place.

  27. Speaking just for myself, I’ve always gotten a very “snake oil” vibe from therapy. It is in a therapists best interest that I never get better and always need more therapy. I just don’t trust them.

  28. For those claiming it’s “ineffective”. Understand that a therapist is a relationship and it takes two to tango. It’s like dating, as in it may take awhile to find a good match. Once you do though, it is great. Also, some therapists are a better fit depending on the trauma/situation you need help with. For example, I had a therapist who was wonderful when helping me with my childhood trauma. But when it came to dating guidance or help with women, she was not effective. Where as another therapist might be perfect for that.

    I’ve recently come to realize some of my dating issues stem from my relationship with my mother. So that’s an area I’m working on. Which leads me to point two. Therapy is also like having a personal trainer. You may only have one session a week with your trainer. That means the other six days you need to do your own work and hold yourself accountable. A therapist (much like a trainer), is there to provide tools and guidance. But it is up to YOU to do the work. Day in and day out, your mental health and your physical health is YOUR responsibility. Some of the biggest breakthroughs I had were in between therapy sessions. Having someone to speak to freely without judgement allowed the space for me to come to those conclusions.

    You have to do the work. It is EFFECTIVE but only if YOU are.

  29. I’m seeing a lot of people say therapy is expensive, which is true. But do you know what’s not expensive? MDMA. Worked for me at least

  30. Did therapy once. Didn’t help me at all. I’ve come to learn and accept that life isn’t fair and that I can’t control the actions of others. I’m not happy but at peace with life at the moment.

  31. I can’t speak for the sub, but the therapist my parents sent me to at 10 molested me. So fuck therapy.

    That said I needed a mandatory evaluation after my mom drove her car into a truck on the highway and we had lots of family drama going on at 20.

    Got my diagnosis, had to discuss a functional plan to move forward that would be acceptable to the group assessing me, and was sent home.

    As some people said, therapy is expensive. At the end of the day, a lot of them it feels like even while talking to them they don’t give a shit about your problems – you’re just a paycheck. And trial and error figuring out what psychological/emotional advice you’re being given is actually beneficial can cause more problems than it helps.

    It’s all individual I guess. But for me, nope. Not anymore. Not for a long time.

  32. I find therapy as a whole a hoax. Imagine paying someone to pretend to care about and listen to you. I don’t believe in it. Plus there isn’t a single issue that going to the gym with the intention of not walking out of there can’t solve

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