I, (22f), have known my best friend A (22m) since very early childhood. I’m going to try to be really vague but if any additional info is needed, let me know.
Basically, while he was at college in a different state he got into his first serious relationship with G (23m) and they’ve been together about a year. A graduated a year early, but didn’t get into his graduates program yet (didn’t have high enough scores on his first attempt on the test), and had to come home as he had no financial ability to stay in other state. He’s been home all summer and G has made it his life’s mission to punish A for this.
I mean seriously, he essentially calls A a failure, guilt trips him constantly about not being in the other state (which he’s already beaten himself up a bunch over), breaks up with him, then comes crawling back the next day with “oh baby I love you, I need you”, and the whole cycle starts again where A agonizes over trying to appease G until the “long distance” gets too much for him and he breaks A’s heart all over again.
A has done EVERYTHING to make this guy happy, he’s visited him in the other state, he calls and texts him constantly, leaves social gatherings to calm G down when he freaks out over not having A’s undivided attention for an HOUR, and nothing seems to make this guy happy unless A throws all sanity to wind, drops all financial support and maybe familial ties, and moves back to live with G in other state.
Well, now A’s planning to do just that. To be fair, A has now finished his exams and is hoping he got a good enough score to get into the school this time (and it HAS to be in the city G’s in he refuses to look at other options) and he does have job prospects so he can work until he starts school. However, he would have to live with G (at G’s parents house btw, he gives this whole hypocritical speech about A financially freeing himself from his parents while G is unemployed and won’t keep a job for more than a few months while living rent free with his parents but, I digress.) and would have no other housing options in this state.
I’m terrified for A to do this. If G dumps him (which he often does) he’ll have nowhere to go. But A’s in *loveee* and wants this to work and refuses to see how bad of a situation he’s putting himself in no matter how hard I try to advise against it. Look, I’ll support him no matter what, hell I’m sure I’ll be the one buying his plane ticket home when this all goes ass up, but is there anything else I can do to at least TRY and talk him out of this? Please help, im so scared for my dearly beloved friend to be trapped in a toxic situation with this guy.
Tl:Dr: best friend wants to move to different state where he’ll have no financial support for a guy who treats him terribly. How do I convince him not to?
1 comment
There is not much you can do, but to keep telling him how bad this is. Your friend knows it’s bad, but he is addicted to the rush of the ups and downs in the relationship. He thinks this is love, but it’s not, it’s toxicity. He is like an addict. He has to break his addiction and It’s very hard. He knows it’s bad, but he tells himself lies, just like an addict would. The only thing you can do for your friend, is keep telling him how bad this is.Your friend is the only one who can change it, and it seems like he is not there yet.