I was with my ex girlfriend since university and I was deeply in love with her. We had a misunderstanding that I foolishly thought we could never get past. I now realise I was wrong. My ex was in contact for the longest time asking to get back together but I didn’t listen. She then went back to her native country for quite a while. I was in denial for a long time but I wish I’d accepted my feelings sooner. I’ve been in a new relationship for a while, trying hard to make it work, but I just don’t feel the same way. My ex came back to town but someone said to me that she might be dating someone else. I feel gutted because when I first found out she was back, I was already planning to end my current relationship, and I did hope we could meet again.
I don’t know if she is just casually dating someone or if it’s serious. I don’t even know where to start. My sister mentioned the other day that my ex still asks her how I’m doing from time to time. But this could just be because she cares, not because she wants me back.
Wondering what to do.
My current girlfriend loves me and I don’t want to hurt her either.
TLDR: I broke up with my ex of several years, tried to move on, and it was all a big mistake. Want my ex back but she might be dating someone new. Not sure if it’s serious.
4 comments
Dude, breakup with your current girlfriend if you are actively thinking about and trying to get with your ex. She doesn’t deserve to have to waste her time with someone who isn’t as into her as she thinks.
You don’t need to be with either girl.
Op is acting like the douche mode of Scott Pilgrim.
Even if she takes you back you still have personal inner work to do on emotional maturity, friend.
Don’t stay with someone because fear of hurting them—wasting a woman’s precious time is harming her—women are especially on a clock if they want a family.
Do not contact her while you’re in a relationship. Is she exclusive? Best to leave her alone if she is. (Then again sometimes we just know and have to shoot that shot anyway.) If she’s asking about you—may be worth trying but be mindful how you go about it and don’t disrespect that she’s involved. You could say you’re interested in seeing if things could develop between you two slowly if she’s still available and only dating but that you earnestly just want to apologize. You can say you see her as your person. But you have to mean it. Because this will look like just because she moved on you finally see her worth when your ego was huge. Or she could be fine. Or part of her could still have a soft spot for you but you have to earn your place.
Bigger question is would you be wasting her time over time and you miss things about her that you want in a relationship and are just being reactive? Is it that you miss better times and partially idealize this relationship?
But again—sounds like you already disconnected from your current girl. Respect her by being honest.