I am a pilot for a major airline and have been based in Hong Kong for the past 5 years. I’m originally from Australia and met my wife (a local) here. When I first met her, I immediately fell over heels for her and long story short, we’ve now been married for 8 months.

A couple months ago, her bffs convinced her to take up tennis lessons and I approved. What better way to keep fit rather than sitting at home all day! Her tennis coach is a tall New Zealand fellow in his 20s, who was once an English teacher. I really didn’t think much of it, but the once a week tennis lessons became twice a week and now they have suddenly become daily lessons. Rather than 1 hour lessons in the beginning, they now last over 3. I asked my wife if I could join her for tennis and she told me it wouldn’t be such a good idea. Any advice on how to confront her would be well appreciated.

24 comments

  1. What she is doing is beyond excessive. Tell her straight up that you are not comfortable with it.

  2. Be honest and tell you you are feeling very insecure about her tennis lessons. Then tell her you don’t want her getting lessons from this coach any longer, but you’re happy if she wants to get a different female coach instead.

  3. You need to be direct. Talk to her about how you feel. Don’t accuse her of anything but make it very clear that this is making you uncomfortable. A majority of the time, there is nothing going on and she will understand and either stop seeing him entirely or see him a lot less.

    Try to be optimistic. Most of the time, people aren’t very aware of how their actions are making their partners feel. Be direct, calm, and tell her how you feel.

    Good luck lad.

  5. Very similar sitch happened to Stephen King’s son. Wife fell for tennis instructor. He confronted, she left and is now married to the tennis dude. Odds are she’s polishing his racket. Sorry for you, bro.

  6. Yeah she’s not having 3+ hour daily tennis lessons… Big red flag if she doesn’t want you to meet the guy as well.

    Consider hiring a P.I. if you require proof.

  8. Let’s be honest, it should be obvious what’s going on here and my suggestion is to give an ultimatum to cut of all contact with that coach immediately. That is absolutely not normal and I would bet money she’s already cheating on you. Tennis lessons will not last that long if it’s daily unless she’s a pro. Another person suggested hiring a P.I and I agree if you want solid proof. Firstly give the ultimatum and if it is truly just tennis lessons then she can find a different coach and that’s that but if she refuses even when you state you are uncomfortable with it then.. get that P.I because the amount she’s at those “Lessons” for is already a massive MASSIVE red flag.

  10. You should insist on playing her. If she doesn’t wipe you, you should ask where your money is going. Sadly, we all know she is taking his ace serve straight on the kisser.

  11. Yeah you re wife is enjoying you pilot salary while boning her tennis coach. Open thy eyes.

  15. Why don’t you have her get a job and do something to contribute to your home. You kind of set her up to be promiscuous by allowing her to waste time playing a sport that has no value to your daily life. She can get the same workout on a treadmill and getting a job working at coke or something. PM if you want to chat more

  16. Oh Jesus, three hours everyday ?? She’s planning to turn pro…. are she’s getting in some extra practice in other areas.. sorry that sucks, honestly you could ask people at the tennis place if they’re actually there for three hours, the usual read her messages or as someone suggested hire someone to see what she’s up to

  18. Stop asking her, just turn up. Or alternatively hire a PI and find out what’s going on. The fact is, you know what’s probably going on, so just get the evidence and scram. Nobody needs 3 hours of tennis lessons every day unless they’re playing at Wimbledon next year.

  20. I’m sure pilots make decent money and all but how the hell do you even afford living in Hong Kong and 21 hrs of private tennis lessons a week?

    Also dude, she’s cheating on you. Just move on.

  21. OP. I actually know someone in your position (or rather, was in your position) even down to where you are from and your occupation and your current location. He flew for Cathay. This is what he ended up doing after mulling it over for about a year.

    One day he managed to arrange his flight roster so that he was home for a couple of days but he didn’t tell his wife that he was going to be home. He pre-booked a hotel nearby and kept up his normal routine so that she would keep up hers (she was banging a dance coach for what it’s worth) so he knew when she would be out of the apartment.

    He had a storage unit pre-booked and on the day he hired some removalists and they came and took everything of his (left hers untouched) and took pics of everything – which turned out to be very prescience of him. As the apartment was in his name he had already arranged for it to be sold and had booked in some viewing times that also happened to coincide with when her “dance classes” were.

    He left her a note explaining that he knew what she had been doing, was filing for divorce and had put the apartment up for sale oh and btw here are the open for inspection times. He left his wedding rings, all the wedding pics and shared stuff behind as well as the number for his solicitor and then blocked her everywhere and told absolutely everyone they knew what she had been doing and what he was now doing.

    Some friends walked away, most stayed and helped him out and the pics helped him out when the local police turned up because his STBXW reported him for criminal damage – they left when he explained the situation and showed them the pics and gave them the contact number for the removalists. She went from having an absolute dream life on his salary to being unemployed and living with her parents within a month of him making his decision. He never found out if she had been cheating or not but his friends told him that she ended up trying out dating the dance instructor but then found out he had been banging several other clients as well.

    Aside from one brief phone call he never spoke to her or saw her again and is now happily divorced and happily single (he said he is never getting married ever again and fuck relationships).

    Confrontation and closure just forestalls the inevitable. Make the decision and move on with your life.

  22. Could pull a Michael from gta and rip the dudes house down but yea fr I guarantee she’s cheating sorry man that’s rough gather as much proof as you can and divorce her ass

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