22f and 22m
my boyfriend & i usually live 6 hours apart for school, but this weekend he’s going to his parents place which is 2 hours away from me.
we originally planned to meet up in his parents city (for a concert) and then we’d drive to mine the next morning so that we wouldnt have to hang out at his parents place (i have my own apartment)
he agreed to this last week but is now saying that its a ridiculous plan because its going to be 4-5 hours of driving across the span of 2 days (because he has to go back to school)
he’s asked me if i would consider hanging out at his parent’s place for the weekend, but I dont think thats quite the same as being in our own space.
am I being unfair in my ask?
tldr: bf agreed to meet at his parents for a night then drive up to mine for a day & leave the day after. he’s now saying this is a ridiculous plan, is it really?
16 comments
It doesn’t matter what we think. He has to do it, he thinks it’s ridiculous. I dont think denying him his opinion is productive.
Yes, being at his parents isn’t quite the same, but are you willing to compromise?
I don’t find it ridiculous. He’d do anything for you if he thought you were worth it.
He’s driving four hours already, it doesn’t seem unreasonable for you to drive just two to meet with him?
Your not being unfair but it’s not unreasonable that he might not agree to your ask.
I wouldn’t find that ridiculous. Done similar myself 30 years ago with a smile 😃 was excited to sprnd time with her
Yes, that’s unfair to ask. You should meet up at his parents place
That’s a lot of driving to just hang out at your apartment when you’ll both already been in the same location and it puts him further away from where he needs to get back to.
Why don’t you just stay with his parents the night of the concert and then get a hotel for the next night so you have alone time and then both drive your separate ways the following day.
It’s a ridiculous plan and while he agreed to it, he probably had time to think about it and offered a less ridiculous solution.
It’s not ridiculous to ask, but it’s also not ridiculous for him to say no. I could see being resistant to that especially if I didn’t live at home and was wanting to spend time with my family.
Sounds like he’s trying to find a compromise (you coming over). If that doesn’t work for you, the hotel is a good idea. Or you could offer to drive his car from his parents’ to yours?
What exactly are you doing to Accommodate the relationship it sounds like its all him it’s not that you can’t go to the parents place you just don’t feel like why is everyone expecting him to make compromises while you are doing nothing
Are you both driving? Then it’s only 2 hours driving each.
It isn’t *ridiculous* but everyone has different capacities for how much they can drive in what period of time. If he also has to go back to school, does that mean he needs to drive 4-5 hours there and back to your place AND another 4-6 back to school?
You can obviously express your feelings, but at the end of the day, he is totally in his right to say, “I’ve thought about it, and I can’t drive that much in two days.” Relationships are about compromise and flexibility. You may want privacy, but asking him to drive that much and lose time with either you or his parents is a big ask. It’s unfortunate, but I’d try to shake it off if I were you, otherwise it’ll just rot your relationship from the inside out.
You can always ask and he can say no. But the beauty is that you can say no too.
So it comes down to how badly he wants to spend time with you considering that he is changing the agreed upon plans.
Just get a hotel in the city his parents are in, BOOM no driving (saves money on gas) and you guys still get privacy. Compromise.
you’re not asking for 2 hours driving. you’re asking for 4~5 for one day. kinda crazy when you can just stay at his parents.
Your question (asI understand it) is: Is it ridiculous to ask him to drive the extra distance and time to have private time with you when he (and his parents) have offered to house you at their house. Seeing that he is on the go a lot in a short time period, it seems you are fiercely protecting your heart by wanting private time with him. Do you feel self-conscious or on edge around his parents? Relationships are about compromise. In his defense, it’s A LOT of driving for him to do– gas is expensive and driving is exhausting. I saw you would sit on a bus for 3 hours to get to his parents, but that’s not the same. You can nap on a bus, watch a movie, etc. It’s really not compareable.
Examine how you feel about his parents and why you holdfast to your gut-fueled fight to have him at your space when he’s made a suggestion that protects his energy so he can give himself to his parents and to you.
Don’t know where you live but in large cities, travelling anywhere can take forever, even within the city, due to heavy traffic. 2 hours for an entire day is no big deal.
Long distance is too hard on relationship you must not be very important to him sorry op find someone else that lives closer to you he seem to have a side piece