so annoyed that I didn’t realize me and this person weren’t friends like I thought

I moved to a new city and I made a new friend. He’s very nice and cool. we’re both gay and met off grindr

we’ve hung out once in july. and then again in august. and we texted sometimes inbetween. but i can do this thing where I quickly get attached to people and I will think that we are friends quickly when we’re really just acquaintances

like i could hang out with someone twice and I will think of them as my good friend. it’s an attachment style that stems from having little friends growing up

but over the years l’ve been working on this trait. i will have to remind myself that it takes time before someone is considered a friend. just because we’ve hung out a few times doesn’t mean they consider me their friend. and i’ve been much more aware and actively work on it

this friend asked me to pet sit in early september and it was really inconvenient for me but i did it anyways. I thought “this is my new friend and i wanna help out”

he asked me again this week and I wanted to say no but i told myself I’d do it for my friend. out of fear that saying no could jeopardize the new friendship

but then it hit me that me and him really aren’t friends. it occurred to me that he probably won’t text me again for anything other then pet sitting.

i looked through our texts and I realized I was always messaging him first. Everytime I tried to make plans to go out he would avoid it. And the only times he texted me first was to pet sit

I realized I could’ve said no to pet sitting without feeling guilty. cause we aren’t friends. he’s probably never going to ask to hang out with me. in fact if I stop texting him first we probably won’t text again for a long time until he needs a pet sitter again

i’m so annoyed that i didn’t realize this. i wish i would’ve said no