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I was once so oblivious that I lost a friend.
One night out, I made a big deal about no one eating the last appetizer to a couple friends at a table. Everyone was really sarcastic at the table and was like “yeah, we would never. we will kill whoever tried to eat this last appetizer”. I then walked away and when I came back, some of the people at the table had left and one of my good friends joined late. It turns out he ate the last appetizer, so I made a really big deal about it to continue the joke. I can say now, it was a really bad joke. I thought my friend would be able to tell my reaction was so out of place and find it funny. They did not find it funny.
He thought I was being seriously rude to him and ignored me the rest of the night. I was so oblivious that I didn’t notice the hate they were directing at me and I was instead asking people what’s up with my friend because they were acting weird. They go the rest of the night trying to run away from me (we’re a small group) then they plan an outing just so they can uninvite me to it. Even though I was the sober one, I somehow was oblivious to all of this and went home chill.
6 months later, I invite my friend over (still oblivious) because I hadn’t seen him in a while and he told me how upset they were. I ofcourse apologized and tried to explain some of what they missed at the very beginning of the night, but they took that as me being defensive and so I just stopped and said I was genuinely sorry. They said it was cool, but I was still processing my emotions after our conversations because I had been oblivious up until that point and was just genuinely worried about my friend.
I felt annoyed for other people not telling me (I would’ve apologized at that instant), and I also was annoyed that this friend admitted to trying to get back at me for it. But I ultimately felt like I had no room to be angry because I had done something that hurt my friend. Unintentionally, but still hurtful. I didn’t push it further but I also didn’t try to hang out with them much after because i just didn’t trust them as much to be straight with me. They text occasionally to say hi, but they’ve never asked me to hang out again, so I figured the feelings are mutual.
I will probably delete this, but feels good to get off my chest.