So we’ve been dating for only 3 months but we’ve been friends for about a year before that. Our age difference is very clear to both of us but to be honest, we get along perfectly. We have the same friend group, siminal interests, hobbies, and truly have a grand time together. However, last week, she overheard someone in her company gossiping as to why she is dating me, or I her, and it offended her massively. TO make it worse, a couple of days after that, a waiter made an assumption that she was my mother (which was incredibly stupid not only because she looks great but because she is of a different ethnicity but I digress) and ever since then, she got incredibly agitative and insecure. Last night, we got into a massive argument because apparently I didn’t warn her that she was wearing “mom jeans”. It really hurts me to see her like this so if you guys have any advices I would appreciate them very much.
29 comments
She’s 40. Youre 25. It’s a pretty massive gap
But it works some times
I’d say just if you guys see a future together you will know thay what other people think js irrelevant
Other people need to stay out of your business.
How does it affect them? Don’t let them ruin your relationship.
If you have found someone you love you should cherish them and concentrate on spending time with them.
Wishing you both the best.
My brother did this and it was an interesting dynamic.
They had a kid, and I never see them lol
It worked for 5 years, but honestly if you’re social and hanging with friends and stuff it sounds pretty healthy.
Lots of people are happy in big age gaps.
But is she obsessed with looking younger?.
It really shouldn’t matter what other people think , as long as you 2 are happy that’s the main thing.
If both of you are comfortable, just stop worrying about other people.
You’ll get a lot of ignorant jealous people calling you guys creepy or “wrong” especially on this thread.
Just tell her that in a world filled with lonely people and literal wastes of time, you guys found each other despite all obstacles. If what you have works for you then whatever anyone else thinks does not apply. Be happy, love each other: time is too fleeting. I wish you guys so much joy!
I’m 33 and a guy I’m seeing is 23. We don’t get stares because I look young and he looks older..I’m of a different ethnicity and age doesn’t really show on women for a long time and I think that’s why we get away from it.
When I was 20, I dated men closer to 40 and people didn’t say ANYTHING!!!!!! It’s expected for older men to get younger women and when women do it, a lot of jokes get made.
I have no kids and never have had a serious non long distance relationship so things with younger men move at a comfortable pace for me. Not too sexual.
She’s got to get over what people say about her. Does she have any kids? Ex husbands?
I guess thats more of a ‘other people not minding their business’ problem, which will always be the case because thats what we people like to do, be nosy and judgy especially when we’re bored at work. You have to just stop caring, and she aswell or else this might not work out.
I recently exited a 2-year relationship with a woman 10 years older than me. Me late 20s, her late 30s. We got together when I was 26, almost 27.
My ex had some similar insecurities. My advice is to shower her with compliments about how attracted you are to her and do everything possible to communicate that the age gap doesn’t matter to you, that you love her for who she is. And be patient with her.
People used to (still do) hate, judge and disapprove of same sex or interracial relationships as well, that’s been getting better in recent decades.
Sadly, it seems people are not getting the message that “love is love” with age gap relationships yet, and there is still a lot of bigotry, hate and judgement on them.
Comments that would see users banned on Reddit for race or same sex bigotry often goes unnoticed and upvoted on reddit in the relationship subs.
We have a long way to go. Love is love.
I’m around the same age as her, and have been told I don’t look my age, and I work v hard to keep up on myself, and usually confident. That being said I’m very insecure about my age. First thing, it would have something extremely special for me to date a 26m, second, I know those example you listed shouldn’t matter, but if I was in those situations, I can see myself reacting how she did in all those situations.
bro just say fuck them, if your happy together why are you caring about what other people think?
My friend dated in old women and it ended badly I hope you really see a future with her
33 year old male prospective here. I was in a relationship with someone who was 8 years older than me. She took advantage of me and was very manipulative. The issue was, everyone could see it but me.. it took me 2 years to figure this out. When you are her age, she will be almost 55. By then, her age will most certainly be showing but you will still look young. All this said, she will be getting the sweeter end of the deal lol. My advice is be carful. Anyone that’s trying to date someone 10 years (or more) younger than they are knows exactly what they are doing. Most cases (from what I’ve learned) they are doing it at the expense of the younger less learned party. Don’t let someone who gives you attention blind you. Also, if she starts putting a wedge between you and your friends, that’s a huge red flag. Classic manipulation tactic. I wish you the best bro!
If Jlo can do it so can she
I think y’all should lean into it and troll other people who are bothered by it for whatever reason.
First off, if you’re happy together who cares what other people think? You are both consenting adults, what’s the point in caring about the judgments of other people.
Fuckem is what I would say.
I’m 33 and he is 48 🙂 we are happy as hell and don’t give a frig what anyone thinks!
Live your life and be happy!
You have the right attitude. But for her sake, maybe you could do something with your appearance or style to look older like grow a beard if you don’t have one, just so she doesn’t get as much shitty judgment from others.
My opinion, too many people get hung up on what other people think. You need to get to a level so unbothered by anyone just to be happy anymore. This is what I think the problem is in dating, chasing someone better because your circle don’t approve.
I think the best way forward is to somehow just accept that people are judgemental asshats. But it’s hard to convince an insecure partner to accept it just like that.
I’ve had similar experiences lately. I got quite familiar with a neighbour. Honestly I had no odea how old she was but she is very nice and lovely to talk to. Turns out she turned 49 this summer, I’m 35. It took about two months of us just chilling and going for walks together for people to start gossiping. We haven’t even dated or anything, all we’ve done is talk publicly, I do the same with several other neighbours. The difference here is that she is, according to the gossip bunch, cute enough to “bag the bulky 30-something despite her age”.
Writing that I realized maybe that’s an angle you could use? People wouldn’t gossip if they, subconsciously?, didn’t think she was hot enough for a younger guy?
Edit: for gods sake don’t say it like that though, just something like “they wouldn’t gossip if they didn’t think you were as beautiful as you are, they’re jealous”, or something.
If y’all are compatible, honestly who gives a fuck. Haters gon’ hate.
My friend (35F) is dating (23M). They are very happy and super compatible. She was a bit shy about it at first and tried to make the relationship seem like a fling. One day, following her narrative, I asked how her toyboy was doing. Anyway, she confided in our other friend that these comments upset her. I felt bad as that was the way she made it seem. Now that I know it’s the real deal, I really couldn’t care about the age difference, I even started giving a few younger guys a chance as their bond is great. Lesson: you don’t have to explain your love to anyone.
Who gives a fuck what they think… if you love eachother and are consenting adults of legal age who gives a flying fuck at that point. 18-100 you both are adults
I can offer you my insight. In my case I am in my late 40s and my girlfriend in her late 20s. That’s a pretty big age gap.
My observation is that the older person typically worries more than the younger person because in this type of relationship the older person is perceived as someone who is trying to be with younger people so therefore they must be trying to be younger themselves.
This of course is totally faults because age has little to do with a caring relationship.
I am personally insecure sometimes knowing that people look at us and assume that I am some old dude trying to get a young chick. It gets bad enough that I even wonder what my girlfriend thinks, like why is she interested in an older guy to begin with?
My guess is that it’s worse when the woman is the older person. I think women in general don’t like to be considered old and so that feeling gets worse if she is dating someone younger than her. It’s like feeling that you’re short but then feeling really short when a tall person stands next to you.
Maybe you should talk to her directly about the subject and try to find out how to ease her mind. I can tell you that she totally wants to know what your thoughts are on the subject.
Age gap is always a big deal in any relationship so it’s good to make sure that you both are on the same page not just about each other but about how you react to others outside of the two of you.
Just my thought.
I mean, I’m happy for you if you are happy. That said, if you switched the genders, everyone would be screaming predator and abuse. Just be careful, I guess is my only advice, enjoy the time you have together 🙂
my brother’s wife is 16 years older than him and they’ve been together over 22 years. it can work
I am 75 with wife of 53