How has your mother’s view of herself impacted you as an adult woman?

20 comments

1. My mother was a junkie who overdosed when I was 8, it left me with some issues ngl

2. My mom has always talked poorly of herself, and hearing “you look/act just like your mom” my entire life made me self conscious. I mean if I looked like my mom, and she hated herself, would she hate me too? Should I hate myself?

   It took me a long time to understand that I may look like her, but I don’t have to BE her. I can love myself. Plenty of years wasted being self conscious though.

3. My mum loves herself a little too much ngl 😛
   But she’s a great woman and her view of herself has always impacted me in a positive way

4. It’s made me stronger. I see how strong she has been and it gives me hope when I’m sad.

5. My mom hated her body and her weight. She criticized my sister and I everyday for 18 years. She criticized our weight, our appearance and called us fat everyday. It impacted me in my early adult years by developing an eating disorder. She fucked me up mentally in a lot of ways but I’m in therapy and despite her abuse I Love myself everyday and I’m estranged from her, thank god!

6. My mom was a cocaine addict for most of my life, being very hot and cold. She struggled with depression and an ED, and of course I won the genetic lottery and also got both. I’m slowly trying to become healthier and love myself, but it’s hard when every day of your life for 18 years is hell on earth.

   I used to hate her, wonder how much a wretched woman could still be here. Sometimes I still do, when I think about all those fights we got into and all those times she neglected me. But she doesn’t remember because she was using. She doesn’t remember us screaming at each other for hours about to rip each other’s throats out because she didn’t like my life choices. She doesn’t remember the day that she told me she never wanted kids and should’ve gotten an abortion. But that one will never leave my head. It’s been 8 years but I remember it like it was yesterday.

   Now I’m lost and confused. Everything I went through, and the person who inflicted hell onto me doesn’t even remember what happened. Does it mean anything? Do I mean anything? I just have to take each day as it comes and hope I find it.

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8. My mother was an only child. Growing up it was always made clear to me that we were to be best friends forever, hang out, shop, play with my kids (her grandkids) together……. I was completely stifled and left home to work 160 miles away as soon as I was old enough. She never, ever forgave me and I felt guilt in my adult years. Now I have attachment issues, confidence and anxiety difficulties. Way to go mom.

9. My mother has hated her body since my sibling was born and frequently “jokingly” blamed getting pregnant for losing her skinniness. It’s affected us both in different ways since we were very young. I can’t speak for my sibling but I have hated my body no matter what it looked like for decades.

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12. My mother’s family did not have a lot of money and she grew up in a rural area. Thus she was forced to quit school at an earlier age and to get an Ausbildung. She started to work as a doctor’s assistant/nurse (couldn’t finde the right english word). She was really good at school and I think she would have lived to study medicine. But her parents didn’t have enough money for that and why dpend money on a girl, she’ll marry anyway and become a SAHM. She always encouraged us to work for school and not to depend on our partner.

13. My mum never criticised herself, but her comments about other people made it pretty obvious what her own insecurities were. She was, and is to this day, constantly on one diet or another, she shames others over their weight/weight gain and would praise me as the “skinny one” of the family. I’m now terrified of any weight gain, and feel the need to diet, restrict or exercise if I gain even 2kg!

14. My mom was abused… She very harsh and critical to herself and made constant excuses for it. She abused me. For many years I felt like my worth on valued on my body. It was really sad.

    She isn’t in my life anymore. I’ve been free and happy ever since.

    Still effects me sometimes, but I know it’s just memories and breaking generational curses

15. I was really lucky that diet culture was never really discussed in my household and our eating habits were very healthy(smaller portions, balance healthy foods with unhealthy treats).

    I realized as I grew older how abnormal it was to not have body insecurities, emotional eating disorders and constantly fluctuating weight.

16. My mum is shorter and lighter than me by only a couple pounds and inches yet always lamented me being “skinny” while she was “fat” (we are both petite in stature and a healthy weight relative to this) I didn’t realise til I looked back as an adult but I was certainly anorexic in high school and I don’t attribute that to her but I think only having lite/fat free everything in the house and her comments about obese people probably didn’t help.

    I acknowledge that being short means a few extra pounds is very noticeable on my frame so I do watch what I eat but not in a rigid fashion. To this day she asks me what the lowest calorie things I eat are etc and tries to share with me recipes for nutritionally hollow garbage I would never eat simply in the name of being skinny. The older I got the more I realised her way of thinking probably had a negative impact on me because I have always been concerned about my weight, but have never actually been overweight.

17. My mum sees herself as a very isolated person and has always been happy with that. After my dad died, she never needed another man, and never had a boyfriend. Never really had friends either. She has colleagues and acquaintances, but no friends. Similarly, I’ve found myself becoming someone who pushes others away.

18. I don’t know what my so-called mother’s view of herself was, but I’m sure she didn’t have a positive opinion about herself. She smoked like a chimney, was overweight, and had horrible hygiene. She rarely bathed. By the time she stopped speaking to me she was regularly wetting herself, not using adult diapers, and wouldn’t clean herself up or change her clothes. It was disgusting.

    I think the fact that I was brought up in a dirty home by people who couldn’t care less about their appearance or hygiene definitely contributed to my extreme germ phobia.

19. my mom always had those 100 cal snacks growing up. I was pretty small but my sister was always more so bigger. she pushed me sister to eat the snacks by telling her she could look small like me. she said this in front of me all the time. she would have me do fashion shows and my sister watch as I could really fit into anything. my sister used to cry every time we went clothes shopping. I told her I wasn’t going to make her feel bad ab herself once, and she told me I was helping her and in the long run she’d feel healthier. I didn’t like my body. I thought I was too big. so I started eating less than what a toddler should eat in 5th grade. this continued for ab 10 years. i’m really short, my sister is tall. she’s still living in a larger body, and recently I gained a lot of weight. the fashion shows stopped. my mom started commenting on how much weight I was gaining. we recently talked ab how I was eating so little at the time and she said she never noticed. how could she not? my family’s genetics are full of people living in larger bodies. I was underweight. i’m finally getting back to a healthier body type for me, but i’m still not pleased w how I look bc I only got the validation when I was so small I took up the space a 10 year old does when I was 16. my sister has no health issues. I have autoimmune, epilepsy, depression, anxiety, migraines, low iron sodium magnesium potassium.. I mean you name it i’m low.. i’m now working on getting my RN to work w those who have eating disorders. i’ve made it a long way, i’m well educated on what it takes for your body to thrive. i’ve made it a long way, but I worry ab my sister. this had to hurt her body image.

20. My mum had it hard. She lived in times of oppression and I feel bad for her. She couldnt make free choices, they were all laid out and made for her. Even still she puts her kids first.

    She definately makes me think work hard else someone else will decide your future. Thank you for the strength you gave me mum.