I’ve lived 120 years worth of life but I’m a bit younger than that. This is most prevalent if I think about all my friends that have already died. I served in the Marine Corps through 5 commands and grew deep personal connections with hundreds of people I served with. I was injured & medically retired. To date, 80% of the people I was close to when I left the service & kept in touch with have died. Suicide takes most, some are car accidents, VA drug over-prescriptions, one died of a heart attack running his 7th marathon.
This is probably for the older men out there, but what do you do when all your friends are dying? How do you handle when you’re reminded of them? When thinking of your past must include all those you’ve lost – and it just overwhelms you with grief?
8 comments
Hey there! I’m a little younger but this post often comes to mind when I think of death.
https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_comes_in_waves_important_message_from_8/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I know it’s all overwhelming but acceptance tends to be the best remedy for all dire things in life. I wish you luck and love!
Wow man, I don’t have much advice for you as most of my friends are thankfully still alive, but I feel you, that sounds really hard. Wishing you well on the path. Mindfulness wouldn’t hurt, Sam Harris has a course with short 10 minute exercises.
Learning about living while grieving is a skill many people don’t practice until they need to know how to do it. How do you mourn your friends while still meeting and making new ones? Where do you continue to find joy in your life? The VA and VFW are two places where you would certainly find guys with similar experiences. I knew lots of old timers who just went to the VA to drink coffee, sit in the lobby, and shoot the sh*t. It’s ok to wake up one day and realize “oh, I guess I have a lot in common with these old guys.” Cool. Talk to them.
For a combat vet like you, it can be hard to find people you’re going to feel actually know what you’ve been through. Again, the VA and VFW can be places where exactly those people gather to find eachother.
I’m in low supply of good friends since two of them died recently due to COVID-19. I wish I had advice. I figure it’s in part why I’m here on Reddit. It helps.
Oh man, I don’t feel entitled to give an opinion here! But what occurred to me is that you should give meaning to the lives of these people. Find a good commonality among these people and make the world a better place. Thereby you also have a meaning for yourself in life and maybe this helps you to deal with the loss better.
You might also find new friends this way who may have a similar life story.
You may want to cross post to r/askoldpeople
What do you do for mental health? It’s the usual – psychiatrist, meditation, etc, even lifting weights. Everybody has a different way.
I’m more of the solo contemplative type so I like to meditate then listen to [a talk](https://www.audiodharma.org/playables/search?query=Grief) about grief. That 2009.7.20 talk has been particularly influential.
Im only 60 but have had 5 close cousins and uncle and an aunt die in the last two years. The last one was yesterday.
It definitely makes me sad and I grieve their loss intensely at first. But I also take it as a reminder that nothing in life really matters like relationships especially family relationships and it firms my resolve to be as close and as caring for those I love as I can be. And to try and be kind and gentle as the ones I admired most were. And when I think of them, I imagine them that’s them reminding me that they’re still around, in some way, and havent just disappeared into the ether and I just quietly acknowledge their presence to myself.