I’m 42F and my husband is 45M. How do you deal with a spouse who isn’t on the same page as you when it comes to finances and having credit card debt? He doesn’t want to do a budget. I created one, asked him to review it, asked his opinion, suggestions, corrections etc. He refused. We have 19K in debt and paying $400 / month in interest. And paid $4000 in interest alone last year. When I did the analysis of the debt, he is responsible for 80% of it. Is there any hope? I feel stuck because it’s killing me to think my kids will have to hop between two different homes because we would likely have 50/50 custody.
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This is a situation I deal with, too, going the other way (my wife is responsible but just doesn’t take budgeting and saving as seriously; it’s not so much about debt as it is just not being aware of how out of control our expenses can get each month while still wanting to buy or do things).
One suggestion I’d have is to work with a marriage counselor. I only did marriage counseling briefly, but when I did, I felt it was a good experience. It felt good to have a safe space to discuss something where someone could give input, give us homework to work on, and determine in.
Also, and this is not the “financially sound” question, but you can’t let life revolve around money. Are you struggling financially because of the debt? Or are you paying it but just think it’s stupid to be paying that much interest? If the latter, maybe this isn’t worth it. Yes, it’s $400+/mo you’d have in your pocket, but also, is that debt the foundation for your marriage? Probably not. Maybe trying to make small improvements to the situation vs. completely wiping it down and having a strict budget might be a better approach?
Oh no! Let me say, I am so so sorry for your situation! This is a nightmare of mine to have debt. I really hope you can escape that with as little damage as possible to you and your kids.
What’s he spending on?
You’re in a very difficult position.
Would he be open to simply *tracking* what he’s spending money on? I’m a habitual spender and my husband is more of a saver. I found that once we started tracking where money was going, I noticed how ridiculous some of it was. If he can’t see how absurd $400/month in interest is, he won’t change.
When spending outpaces earnings, there’s two logical choices: spend less or earn more. We can’t print money like the government. Having credit card debt at today’s rates are not financially wise. That $400 would be better spent paying down a mortgage or being invested towards retirement.
What kinds of things is he choosing to go into debt for?
This is a shitty situation to be in and honestly as a saver/conservative spender myself I never understand the mentality of those that are fine building thousands in debt for shit they can’t afford and don’t need. But I think going from a free for all to a strict budget might be too difficult. Maybe start with some near term and long term goals — hey how about we stop spending on x this month and put it toward paying down the credit card…. or hey can we set a goal of paying 1500 off the credit card in the next 6 months. Or hey if either of us are going to spend more than x dollars on something can we atleast talk about it. If he’s not game to participate at all than I would say a counselor is appropriate.
Also depending on the interest rates you are paying Maybe you can look into consolidating the card debt to something with lower interest.
My kids will have to hop between two different homes?
At least they will have one home with a stable parent who would be able to save some money for them? Financially irresponsible people are hard to live with. They can’t plan and they can’t build. Have you tried micro-managing all of the money? Have you tried fiercely separating the money and the debt with you only being responsible for your own share?