How do you deal with the pressure of having to attend your partner’s family events?

14 comments

1. So my gfs parents disowned her when she was 18 for being Bi and completely cut her off

   So her family I know is just her sister and I just go to shit she wants to do with her sister

   Is it a pain in the butt to get all dressed up and wrangle our toddlers to go out and do something? Absolutely, but like it’s not asking too much to ask me to go do family stuff

2. Luckily I adore my gf’s family and she adores mine so it’ll never feel like we’re being pressured.

3. I fill my life with being too busy to go. (I.e. working overtime or attending events with my kids)

4. [removed]

5. Negotiating the different expectations of each family versus our needs and wants. We try to keep it balanced : summers, Christmas, split in 2 but with buffer days just for us.

   I mean, it’s an obligation? Sure. But it’s the same for your partner to go to your family events. So, compromise, and accept that if one has 3 siblings and the other none, you might have to attend 3 extra weddings. It’s not the end of the world

6. We just limit how often we see them and say we’re busy if we don’t feel like going. It’s usually not an issue since his family is very laidback anyways. He also attends events with my family so I like to do the same in return.

7. Dissociate the entire time

8. There used to be a little pressure to be around his mom more, but she’s caused enough drama within the family that contact with her is very limited and we have boundaries, so it’s okay.

   Other than that, with other members of our families it tends to stay pretty even. We make time for both sets equally, sometimes together, and there’s no pressure, except for maybe dealing with a few annoying family members here and there lol.

9. I’ll let you know when I get a partner

10. I’m NC with my own family and his live in another province so we basically see them 1-3 times a year. When we do, I feel like I need to try hard to be liked since he has three other brothers who also have wives but they all live near eachother and see eachother frequently.

11. We discuss (in advance) how long we will be there for. Works for us. Every Christmas, we spend time with my husband’s family after being with mine. We do two hours with his. It’s always awkward as nobody does cards or gifts, nobody decorates, nobody cooks or brings food, and nobody really plans anything out whatsoever/puts in any effort. We all just sit in the living room on the ground and barely talk. We both don’t enjoy it.

12. My partner’s family is lovely. To deal with my family, I limit the number of them I interact with them at the same time and space out the interactions. I also avoid spending Christmas with them. It’s the highest pressure holiday. Just about everything else is easier.

13. If I’m with someone and I’m welcome, their family events are important to me. What’s important to my partner is important to me. If they don’t have a good relationship with family and they need me there, regardless of how I feel I’m there.

    In terms of handling it, if I enjoy being around them it’s easy to just relax and treat them like family. If I feel tense around them, it’s one of those situations where I put on my game face and treat them with respect because they’re important to my partner.

14. I see it as an obligation. Comes with the territory.

    But if it gets too much, say something. You’re dating your partner, not their family.