Can someone tell me how wrong I was during this relationship/break up? [FULL STORY]

We met in December 2020 while playing Among Us, I (M26) joined her (F22) lobby with her best friend called “Apple Pie” which was her name in the game. We started chatting in the game chat, gave me her snapchat & we started talking. As always the start was amazing, getting close & being nice to each other. I fell in love almost immediately & she was and still is everything I had been looking for. She even told me she was just about to leave before I joined as there was no one there, so I almost missed out entirely.

We first met in December 2021, it’s long distance with me in the UK & her in Italy. The first time meeting was good, her family were hesitant so I had to stay in a hotel which was fine, but we spent every day together, we went shopping, ordered food & generally just spent most of the time together at her house until 9ish to go back to the hotel. End of the week & we did the usual crying at the airport saying goodbye while her dad awkwardly looks on.

During this first year of talking I was at my lowest point personally, had been suffering from severe depression for 4-5 years & had been signed off work for a year, although got a waiter job close to my house until the place closed down, I weighed significantly more than I ever did, around 15-16 stone, I was comfort eating & feeling stuck in a small Scottish town. I’ll say right now that I never used these things as excuses for what I did.

From Jan-Jun 2021 after arguments I would get mad & leave, she was impossible to talk to, she would always get super mad during the argument & then usually apologise the morning after, something I learned to anticipate. Several reasons why I left, I was mad myself & felt like I would say something stupid if we kept pushing each other, she would be impossible to talk to & any apology would be sharply rejected, my depression would make me really snappy so I knew that it would be best to avoid that completely by backing off. She hated that I would do this, sometimes she would tell me to leave but most of the time it was me, she always felt like she had to beg for my attention & love when I wouldn’t want to talk to her after an argument. The leaving times could range from an hour to a couple of days depending. I told her I’ll work on changing this until something in June 2021 happened.

In June 2021, she went to a house party, we were arguing earlier but she told me that she was going & said there were going to be guys there so is it cool if she went, I said yeah no problem & let her enjoy her night. The next day, I wake up and don’t check my phone as I’m still kinda angry, an hour later or so I check and I see a message from her saying that she was in the hospital. She told me that ***something***had happened with a guy there, I think you can guess but I don’t think I can mention it. She had her family there but she was trying to contact me & she felt alone without talking to me, I immediately apologised realising what had happened and she made me promise no more leaving after this day otherwise we were over, I agreed & have stuck to that promise to this very day. It should be said I take 100% blame for this & don’t expect to be forgiven.

Our second time officially meeting was June 2022, three weeks with me being allowed to stay at her house. It was a mixed bag, we went shopping, a 3 day trip to Pietra Ligure, swimming at the beach, eating out, swimming in the pool until closing and going to the town centre which was a 30 min walk if you couldn’t get a bus. Some other days I was just mentally & physically depleted due to my depression & the heat which was usually 35+, which my pale white complexion really wasn’t ready for. One day we had planned to go out for a date & we stopped at two restaurants, the first one she said was pretty expensive so we should look somewhere else (I didn’t care) we stopped somewhere else, noticed they had a cover charge, once again I didn’t care but we decided to go somewhere else, I was complaining due to the heat and being drained, so we ended up at Mcdonald’s & we immediately knew that this wasn’t good enough & we should have just ate somewhere more suitable for an actual date. So she wanted to do a lot more, I should have done a lot more.

I completely changed my life for her, I don’t leave, I used to stay in bed 5-6 days a week now I’m out doing something productive everyday, I’m learning Spanish so I can talk to her family better, learning to drive which will open up so many new opportunities for me, working out I’ve lost 2-3 stone in a couple of months, I do the things she was always asking me to do yet when I do them now it’s apparently weird because I’m being too nice & I’m only doing it for a reason. She says I’ve changed too late and acts like I just decided to do this all today when I’ve been trying for months, when she wants to watch something we do & I always let her pick, when she wants to play games I say yes no matter what I’m doing, I help her with coursework and job applications any emails she needs help writing, even one time staying up until 1/2am to finish her work we were working on together, but she was tired and needed to be up early so I finished it.

She constantly tells me I’ve not given her the bare minimum, yet I’m the one who flys there every time as she’ll need to get Italian citizenship first, I have taken her shopping both times easily equating to €800+, I gave her mother, who lives in Peru, £200 because she was between jobs & had used the last of her money taking their sick cat to the vet, I gave her €200 for clothes as she was going on a trip with her friend, €200 for a bag she’s always wanted and €170 on skincare products as she’s self conscious about her skin, today I just bought her favourite flowers getting them delivered to her house, then factor in that she’s vegan, her family don’t buy her the food so I always let her order whatever she wants, so easily another 300+, but anything like this gets shot down as nothing because buying things isn’t the same thing as showing love.

She did things wrong too but I always said that was a result of me leaving not giving her enough love so she felt like she had to get it elsewhere. When flying back from seeing her mother in Peru she met a guy who was moving to Italy, apparently she felt asleep on his shoulder and he kissed her through face masks and she pulled away and told him to stop, people remarked that they were like a couple. Another was recently she told me that she was dreaming about a classmate of hers and what if this meant that she had feelings for him, I of course got jealous, she told me that she likes him because he’s nice to her, when she’s mad she’ll tell me that she likes him & that she’s in love with him, but then I made a joke about them the other day and she said that she doesn’t even like him, I think she’s lying to not hurt me. While I was there in June she found an old crush she used to have in Peru, she linked her account to my phone so she could message him while we were out, one night she was laying in bed messaging him, she asked to use my phone to message her mother as I had the app on my phone, she hands my phone back, I notice that she’s removed her account, I ask her why she says just because, I wasn’t mad about not having her account I was mad that she did it without saying anything so it seemed like she had something to hide, we fought she said okay I’ll put the account back which was never really the point. One night while she was sleeping I stayed up and read the messages and they were bad. About how she’s always liked him, that she’s glad she found him & asked what would they do in Peru he said oh many things, even though he had a girlfriend & told mine that there was no chance of anything happening she still continued to flirt like that, I confronted her with the messages at first she got mad but then apologised while we both cried while outside walking her dog, me telling her that I would never do anything like that to her. When she got really mad at me a few days ago she said that she was going to go out for a coffee with the guy from the plane & her friends when he was in Milan then backed down from it & said that she wasn’t going because he’s too flirty. I put all of this down to her not feeling loved enough in the first year & screwing up some of June. Told her everything was 100% my fault.

Right now we’re staying together until December then meet for two weeks then we’re definitely breaking up according to her. I asked for it to show her that I’ve changed with actions & that we will go out and do the things we were always supposed to, no complaining from me. She doesn’t believe me, she says she does but she says that she can’t risk me hurting her again like that and I swore to her that I wouldn’t I’ll show her that but she says it’s too late now. She said I’ll probably be complaining within a few days and I said if I do that then I’ll book a flight and leave, because I appreciate everything she did to fight for me and to get my love while I was screwing up & leaving so I wanted to show her that I’ve changed everything for her & I’ve been trying to show her for months but she’s just completely shut off because she thinks I’ll hurt her again. I’ve learnt my lesson I know everything I did was wrong took blame for it all no excuses, I’ve even planned out every single day. This morning she said she looked like a man with her hair tied up I said no she looked beautiful, then she said she needed to brush her hair I said no it looked great & she completely brushed them aside, I told her I was mad about it she said sorry and thanks for the compliments then I said it’s fine & she said “it’s not fine if you’re complaining”, I didn’t think that was an unreasonable thing to say? This happens every time we have a minor disagreement, she always tells me healthy relationships involve talking about things and for months now every time something comes up all I’m doing is begging her to just talk to me about it but she’s busy getting mad, like nuclear. So I don’t know how I’m supposed to win in this situation, I know it’s because she doesn’t believe what I say I’m going to do & thinks I’ll hurt her again but I know how precious & amazing her love is I know I’ll make this right if given the opportunity. I worked up the courage a few days ago to tell her that I’m leaving so she could be happy like she was always telling me because she doesn’t think I can do what I say and she asks me why I’m doing this and asking me “please don’t go” but apparently us breaking up after December is for the best, so I’m getting real mixed messages. I just asked her to talk again and she reiterated how much I ruined it and she’s not interested, I send a paragraph saying sorry for everything I know I let her down & I’ll leave so she could find happiness with someone who won’t ruin it like she’s always been telling me & she’s telling me that we should stay together until December.

Thoughts on who was more in the wrong?

TLDR met gf two years ago, long distance, UK-Italy, met in Dec 21 & June 22, December was fine for a first meeting and June I screwed up a lot due to being depleted due to the heat and my depression, we still did some things but not enough of what I promised, first year I would leave after arguments as she was super mad and I felt we needed time to calm down as she could go from 0-nuclear in a second and usually apologise the next morning, I haven’t left since 2021 but to her the damage was already done and is irreversible, she did things like messaging other guys as she felt like I wasn’t giving her the love she needed, I put everything she did down to what I did in the first year leaving, she’s giving me December to show her that I can be trusted when I told her how much I changed for my life for her and when I say we’ll do something we will no complaining, I already have the thing planned out but after that we’re definitely breaking up because she’s feels I treated her love and time as a favour when I never felt like that at all, she can’t trust me with her feelings and can’t risk that I’ll hurt her again when I swear to god I won’t, I hurt her when I was hurting and realised my mistakes and just wanted to fight for her like she fought for me in the beginning.