I’ve always been bad at staying in contact with people, be it people I used to hang out with often or people I’ve worked with, despite getting along well with them. I never know how to text them and keep a conversation flowing.
In particular I want to get good at texting people I’ve worked with, since I work in an industry where knowing people will get you jobs. I’ve just occasionally texted them to remind them I’m available and all, but I don’t know how to have a normal “how’s things with you” type conversation.
I know that sounds a little daft, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice?
1 comment
First, you need to realize you are not going to be a huge priority in other people’s lives. You also need to understand the friendship MUST be desirable by both parties. I get you desire long lasting close friendships from others, which is fine. But ask yourself why they should desire you in the long run ? Remember, people already have other priorities in life besides you. But you can be a person that they still respect. How so ? In general, people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. So there has to be something about you that people either respect or want. People gravitate towards self confidence and positive vibes. Genuinely connect with people and leave people with overall positive impressions of you. You will stand out. Now, here’s another thing. What are your skills, talents, hobbies, and interests in general ? Do you know if they who could benefit from the things you do ? If so, bring it up and offer to help them. When you directly impact people’s lives, they are more inclined to respect you and keep you around long term.
Another thing. There will be times where your friends are not going to prioritize interacting with you. It is important that you give them space when that happens. Do not chase and beg for their time, attention, approval, validation, or reassurance if they aren’t giving these things to you for whatever reason. That’s needy and desperate behavior. A lot of people lose their friendships because they got a little too needy and clingy for their friends. There are tell tale signs that people pick up on that show you are attached to them such as you texting them way more than they are texting you and then emotionally reacting and confronting them when you don’t get a response back. Remember, you and you friends’ lives are separate, not codependent. You need to be willing to give people space if they aren’t talking to you. The hallmark of good friendships is getting back in touch down the road. Your friends have other things like family, job, and other close by friends. You yourself need to be genuinely busy in your life focusing on your goals and hobbies, while interacting with other people who are closer to you. Chase excellence, not people.