my boyfriend (20 M) says that I (19 F) shouldn’t be friends with guys out of respect for him and our relationship. i said that I don’t talk to guys except 2 guys from my theater production who are both very gay and simply good friends to me. then he proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t be friends with gay guys either. he says that it’s disrespectful to want to be friends with a guy. he told me he doesn’t have any female friends because he respects me. I never told him he shouldn’t have female friends; however it would make me super uncomfortable if he was constantly hanging out with straight girls. but I feel like hanging out with people who don’t like your gender are different.
is he right and am I just really selfish? or is he being a bit dramatic?
30 comments
You should both grow up and recognise that having friends of any gender or identity is healthy and a relationship which limits those friendships is toxic.
Men and women can be friends without fucking.
He isn’t being dramatic; he is being controlling.
You are allowed to have friendships with others. Period. Doing so isn’t selfish.
I think being friends with gay people is completely fine. I mean they are gay and don’t have interest in your sex. So what’s the big deal? Lol He’s afraid you’ll make them ungay?
Uhhh, you seem to be focusing on the wrong issue here. You’re upset you can’t be friends with guys who are gay…But why the hell are you okay with him telling you that you can’t be friends with the opposite sex?
Your boyfriend is controlling and manipulative. This sort of behavior ALWAYS escalates, don’t stay with this man, he’s just going to get more abusive as time goes on.
You’re both ridiculous but he’s ten thousand more times so, and a controlling ass to boot.
Regardless of gender and orientation, people shouldn’t have to limit their friends.
Stop dating this trashbag.
Please promise you’re ending this, with this ridiculous boy. Just get the hell out.
No, he is not right.
It’s okay to have friends, there’s nothing disrespectful about maintaining friendships.
A partner not wanting you to have friendships to half of the population is waving red flags.
Same as being uncomfortable with him having female friends.
That’s just not okay.
Having friends from any gender is okay. Friends can just be friends. Not everyone is interested in fucking everyone all the time.
Seeing all those similar posts on here is so weird.
In the country I live in, it’s completely normal and healthy to have friends from all genders, and a partner forbidding that would very quickly be an ex-partner. Because wtf.
Pshhhhhh my whole friend group is 1 girl and about 6 guys and I’m married. Women and men can be completely platonic and still be close. Your bf should probably go to therapy for his trust issues
Tell him he can’t be your boyfriend.
Your relationships not going to last
He would have a point if the guys were straight and possibly wanted to get in your pants but they are gay so his argument is dumb.
He is controlling and isolating you. Time to move on. For future reference: significant others should not dictate the other relationships of their partners.
Leave this guy lmfaooo
Something aboit this is making my gay-dar beep slightly. I could be wrong. All I’m going to say is, it wouldn’t surprise me if your boyfriend were struggling with his own sexual identity.
Talk to him about it. Tell him this is 2022 and nobody is going to draw and quarter him if he’s secretly bi-curious or has bisexual feelings.
Also I think he does protest too much. He flirts with people online from time to time. Maybe women, maybe men. His whole line about how much he thinks he respects you is obviously overcompensating for something that he’s super embarrassed about. That’s horseshit. He doesn’t trust you because he’s not acting in a trustworthy why when you’re not looking.
Tell him to stop virtue signalling. He’s not virtuous. He can show he respects you by trusting you.
You both are uncompatible.
you have a problem with him being friends with straight girls and he has a problem with you being friends with guys.( Regardless of orientation).
best you both move on and let each other grow from a different relationship.
I think you should:
1. respect his boundaries by dumping his sexist, controlling ass
2. befriend anyone you want
3. expect your partner to befriend anyone HE wants
Your boyfriend’s insecurities are his problem. You can be friends with whomever you want. Your boyfriend shouldn’t dictate what you can and can’t do or who you should or shouldn’t hang out with.
This has absolutely nothing to do with respect. It has to do with the fact that he doesn’t trust you. He can say he does, but if that were the case, he wouldn’t care who you hangout with.
Agree with the other commenters. He’s being extremely controlling and for your sake, I hope this relationship doesn’t last.
If he is this controlling at the beginning, do you even want to know how awful he will get later when he’s worn down your self-esteem so low you can’t leave?
In my opinion it’s disrespectful to tell your partner who they can and cannot be friends with.
It’s fine to express a concern or a wish, but an ultimatum. ‘You cannot’. Nah, that’s not good adulting.
Make of that what you will.
You may and should be friends with guys. No matter if they are gay or not. You should meet them without your boyfriend. You should have hobbies with male friends. That’s what we call trust.
Ditch the boyfriend! I’m dead serious.
He isn’t being dramatic, he’s being controlling. Does he trust you or not? If he trusts you, why is he so worried about you hanging out with dudes, gay or otherwise? If he doesn’t trust you, why is he dating you in the first place?
Tell him to grow up or you walk.
To be frank you are both immature there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender
Personally your both being weird him more so. Personally I think it’s a red flag if a man can’t be simply friends with a girl as it means he only sees women as sexual objects and thus assumes your doing the same. Who someone is friends with shouldn’t matter regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
It’s funny how he talks about respect. Him refusing to be friends with any women is inherently disrespectful towards all women, including you.
Imagine limiting the people someone can interact with. Talk about insecurity and tyranny.
This is why I’m ✨**single**✨
None of you are right. There’s nothing wrong with **platonic** opposite sex friendships. It’s called platonic for a reason. That’s quite the insecurity you both have.
But yeah, your boyfriend has issues. You both should work out your insecurities before getting into a relationship.
Isolating you from friends and manipulating your social circle is the first step towards emotional and psychological abuse, potentially worse. Everything starts off so wonderfully so you don’t see the issue in his requests, then they become demands, fights when you don’t “OBEY” and then before you realise it you’re doing everything he says because you think it’s love.l and you don’t want to upset him. Please leave now before it escalates. These are not reasonable requests he is making
Your boyfriend does not have female friends out of respect for you – he can’t be friends with women based on his assumption that there would be temptation.
Either you can acquiesce to his demand or you are incompatible.
What? That is not okay lol your allowed friends and if you having a guy friend (especially gay ones) makes him feel insecure then he needs to work on it not ask you to cut people off just to please him don’t let him make you feel guilty because of it either
(It would be a different story if your friends liked you in a romantic way in that case yes you cut them off)