I feel like I’ve done some damage for myself here internally and am looking for advice to move past it and shake it off.
I learned too much about my girlfriend’s sex life with her ex. Problem is she’s only ever been with one guy before so I feel like whatever I do I’m going to be compared to him. This girl loves me and look all cards on the table (def gonna sound full of myself but fk it), her ex was an absolute tool and has zero redeeming qualities and they had a horribly toxic relationship but the thing is I put together in my head that the only possible thing for a girl this great to stay with a guy like that could’ve been good sex. And I sort of got my answers to that question. I have an above average member but she said he was about the same length, maybe a bit longer, but thicker like i did NOT want the specifics but i did ask her the question if i was bigger (shit on me all you want but yeah this was on me). Point is now on top of that despite her assuring me that she doesn’t care and she loves my dick and all that, we haven’t yet hit our strides sex wise my dick curves up and apparently hurts her (but she had to tell me that she used to like rough sex). So each time we engage in physical activity, i’m yet to make her cum and we’re talking about maybe a handful of times of trying and she’s gotten close but hasn’t reached orgasm and it’s visibly disappointing means she says it’s like pressure on her. She said her ex could never make her cum from oral or fingering but from PIV sometimes and smh i wish i didn’t know all this. Point is how do i shake off this comparison in my head and move on to the part where i can give her and myself some amazing sex and forget about this? Can my dick please her just as well despite being curved and not as thick as her ex’s?
Also I need to state that she hasn’t had sex in over a year so maybe her body needs some time to accommodate to my dick. I really like this girl and see our relationship going somewhere but I need to shake off the stuff about her ex and know that we can figure this out and have the best sex either of us have had. I need suggestions, advice and whatever else to help myself move forward.
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This is the result of porn taking over thoughts and rational thinking. Here’s a fact average penile length of men is 5″ to 6.5″. If you’re within that range you’re more than fine.
Women may fantasize about 9″ or 10″ dicks but do you have any clue that it’s a very painful experience fot vaginal penetration. The vaginal space is not that big to take in that huge size of 9″or 10″. It also causes women immense pain in deep throating and anal sex with with large penis.
If you’ve listened to female pornstar’s confession you would have learnt that having sex with large penis cause them immense pain and they either have to take drugs or be on drugs when performing sexual acts to subside the pain.
Get out of porn fantasy land and live life irl.
Aight there’s a lot going on here so I’m gonna respond with bullet points to keep this organized.
* She and her ex are done. Unless they are still talking or she still actively lusts for him then it’s on you to work through your insecurity. I’d recommend therapy so you can do some of this on your own, and then communicate progress to her.
* Bigger/Thicker/Straighter dick does not inherently mean better sex.
* Focus on pleasing your gf. This does not mean focusing on her orgasm, as that can be stressful. This does not mean focusing on penetrative sex. Even if she can’t orgasm from fingering or oral, you should still do it if it feels good. **Sex is about more than orgasms**.
* Try other sex positions. So many guys have curved dicks. You just need to find the right angles that work for your bodies. Have you tried side positions, or variations on traditional ones? Work with the curve you have.
* Focus on your own positives. Your gf is dating you for you! Learn what she likes about you and take that stride. Continue improving yourself. You will never be able to replicate the sex your gf had with her ex because you aren’t him, and that’s a good thing! You aren’t a tool! You aren’t an ex! You have the ability to build an amazing relationship, so grab life by the reins and ride it till you cum.
You focusing wayyyyy too much on dick size and shape mate. Good sex is about foreplay, passion, chemistry and what you do.
A lot of people learn from their former relationships and sex is most likely not the reason why they were together. In your first relationship you often assume that’s just how a relationship is, because you got no comparison. So in hindsight she sees that it was toxic, but she most likely didn’t recognize that back then.
Retroactive jealousy. Get over it. This competition you have in your head is ruining your relationship
I can understand the initial knee-jerk reaction here, but I think it’s unnecessary and unhelpful.
Do you have exes? I’m assuming you had good sex with them? Maybe some of those women had some great qualities that you found attractive while you were with them? Does any of that change how you feel about your girlfriend now?
It’s trite, but if they were perfect for one another, then she’d still be with him. Just like you and your past partners. Just imagine for a second if your girlfriend was constantly comparing herself to your exes. Wouldn’t it be exhausting? Wouldn’t it be entirely unfounded?
Sounds like you two have something good building. Don’t let your imagination ruin it, especially when her words have told you exactly how she feels about all this. If you keep fixating on it, it’s not going to get any better. Let it go. Be loving, be caring, keep communicating, and stop letting some random other guy get in the way of your relationship.
Forget about the prior guy. The question here is not about your dick, but rather about you and how you can please your lady. That’s not about dick size, but rather many things about you. Learn how to give her great oral. Listen to what she says very, very closely. You need to be much more than a hard dick to her, or else you won’t satisfy all her needs.
If it is just dick size and shape she is after she could just replace you with a dildo.
How old are you? If this is all you think about when you’re with her and your frustration starts showing it’s going to get old really fast and eventually you’ll be an ex as well. Get out of your head with this and just enjoy your time with her. I think your a little insecure about your curve and your trying to hard. Relax a little. If you go into the bedroom all in your head she’s gonna sense that and then nobody has fun…
How old are you, friend? I ask because you seem to have a unrealistic impression of what good sex is, especially for a woman. Sex doesn’t work in real life how it does in porn.
>but the thing is I put together in my head that the only possible thing for a girl this great to stay with a guy like that could’ve been good sex
So, what you’re saying is that you made some shit up and now you think you know more about her experience than she does. She’s TELLING YOU that she loves your dick, but you’d rather believe your own made up story. For what? What do you stand to lose by taking her at her word?
>i’m yet to make her cum and we’re talking about maybe a handful of times of trying and she’s gotten close but hasn’t reached orgasm and it’s visibly disappointing means she says it’s like pressure on her.
You’re wrong about so many things here. First, you can’t make your partner have an orgasm, but you can create the circumstances for them to have an orgasm and allow them to get there. It’s not about the size/shape of your dick. Does she feel safe? Seen/heard? Cared for? Relaxed? Is she turned on or do you just start pumping? Sexual performance is between the ears more than anywhere else. By pouting when she doesn’t cum, it pressures her to perform for your ego. Do you see how that would force her to think about your reaction instead of the pleasure she’s feeling?
Good sex is about more than orgasm, so turning it into a race to a finish line is working against you. Search this sub and you’ll find a lot of posts and comments about enjoying the process and not focusing so much on the outcomes. Women in particular are wired differently than men in that they are more likely to enjoy sex without orgasm.
>Can my dick please her just as well despite being curved and not as thick as her ex’s?
Again…it’s not about your dick. How do you think lesbians please each other or women get themselves off without toys? Being a good lover is about being generous, paying attention to their pleasure as much or more than you own, and creating a relaxed, sensual environment. Most women struggle with orgasming from PIV alone, so instead of worrying about your dick, ask yourself what you’re doing to please her. Do you show her affection outside of the bedroom? Do you get her warmed up with plenty of foreplay? Every person is different, so ask her what she needs, what’s working, what’s not, and what feels good and *believe her*!
Sex is the greatest thing in the world if you stay in the moment. Focus on feeling good and making her feel good and everything will take care of itself. The more you think about outside of that, the worse sex gets for both parties. She’s not bringing her BF into your bedroom and you shouldn’t either.
Quit overthinking, it can ruin a relationship
Okay, that’s a LOT to unpack.
Ex: abusive relationships kinda go hand-in-hand with naivety and frog-in-boiling water. So probably wasn’t great sex keeping her with an asshole! It was probably her inexperience and her not knowing the red flags.
Try different positions. Your curve will work in a few of them.
Most women can’t cum without direct stimulation- get a vibrator to use during PIV.
Practice none PIV sex so you can learn and she can learn her body.
Last, stop asking stupid questions.
Appreciate what you, a partner who wants to have sex with you. Address your own feelings of sexual insecurity, it has nothing to do with her or her ex, these feelings of insecurity will haunt you in any relationship you have until you confront them. As far as the sex goes, go slow and be playful. You will find some position or angle which really works, it just takes experimenting. You got to be in the moment and not fixated on some end goal or comparison. Sex should be fun moment by moment for its own sake, it’s not a competition where you have to score the most points against her ex’s, that mindset will ruin all the fun in sex.