I grew up in a household where cursing is very much frowned upon. In my friends circle too no one ever cursed. So cursing is something I’m very uncomfortable with. I was introduced to few English curse words when I started using internet and stuff. I do use English curse word occasionally but its rare. But in my native language I don’t.
So yesterday we were talking and he said that he has never heard me curse and wanted to hear what I sound like cursing. And asked me to say a curse word. I feel like that particular word is very very degrading for women. So I refused. But he kept on insisting. I refused again but he literally wont stop asking me to say it. Then he went on about how much of a hypocrite I was for cursing in English but not in my language. That I was trying to play cool and stuff. I told him that my morals wont let me use the word but he said that ,I should not use any of the words if thats the case. I told him he was being childish but still he would stop. So I hung up and we haven’t spoken since. I dont know what to do. I surely think that I have nothing to apologise for.
Tldr; My bf made me feel bad for not cursing and we haven’t spoken. What should I do.
2 comments
this feels like a very weird hill that your bf has chosen to die on. i get it, i curse like a typical australian in english but it feels so much worse to curse jn my nativa language- probably because i primarily use it with my parents who also very rarely curse and it’s the language i associate with being a child.
even if he wants to hear you curse- which i also do get requests for- it’s really strange that he had a word in mind but then it’s a real red flag for him to persistently insists that you have to curse?
i don’t know, it’s probably immaturity or lack of experience but it feels a lot like he’s trying to overstep your boundaries with what you feel comfortable with and a good partner should never feel entitled to do that!
edit for some actual advice: maybe you could just firmly restate your stance on cursing and acknowledge that it differs between ghe two languages. and maybe ask why he felt the need to request a specific curse and insist on it.
if it’s just that he thought it would be harmless and then it turned into being not harmless then you just need to probably have a talk about boundaries and not asking a partner to do something if theh feel uncomfortable or if they have said no.
He’s being a pushy asshole. You don’t have to justify not wanting to curse to anyone. You get to decide that you don’t feel comfortable using curse words, period. It’s also not hypocritical to curse in one language but not another, because who cares if you curse or not? It might be hypocritical to use curse words while judging other people for also using them (depending on context), but that’s not what’s happening here.
All of this would be true no matter what curse word he wanted you to say. The fact that he SPECIFICALLY wants you to use a word that you feel is very degrading to women makes it so much worse. He is pressuring you to use a gendered slur and insulting you for not wanting to. What’s wrong with him??? I curse but there’s some curse words I am comfortable with and some I’m not. It’s not hypocritical, because they are different words with different meanings. There’s a big difference between saying shit or something and using a gendered slur.