She has severe low self-esteem regarding her physique, has PTSD and other depressive issues, health complexities (endometriosis), and sexual harassment past. From the get-go, I’ve always been supportive and kind to her. Making myself too available and always there for her. I think I should’ve maintained a balance, but now it’s too late, and taking its toll.
Whenever I try to talk about her behaviors or anything that might sound like a complaint, she doesn’t show the will to co-operate and fix, rather says why don’t I leave, or she threatens to leave. I think there’s more sympathy for her from my side than love. Whenever I think of leaving, something is stopping me, making me feel bad for her. Like how she’d completely be broken if I leave too. And she constantly says it herself, that she knows I won’t stay. I’d leave one day. That thought also kinda is holding me there with her. If I leave her fear would come true. I’m not sure if that’s the biggest reason I’m staying. But definitely, some things are holding me in it, aren’t letting me leave. I don’t wanna leave her feeling she’s unloveable, she’s! I’ve had some of my life’s best moments with her. But it’s her deeply rooted toxic insecure behavior that making me suffer real bad.
She believes nobody would stay with her and everybody will leave. But if not for those severe insecure toxic behavior, and her lack of faith in me, I never would have considered the thought of leaving. But I’m now stuck in this dilemma. I myself am starting to have psychological and mental breakdowns more often than not. This relationship has made me something which I could never imagine myself being. I can’t be “me” in it. I’ve been adjusting every little aspect just to comply with her and show support to her in her tough moments, for the last 9 months.
TL:DR: I’ve made myself too available and shown multitudes of weaknesses to my GF, so she now takes me for granted, and behaves however she wants, also has significantly reduced putting efforts into our relationship from her side. How do I pull back?
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>Like how she’d completely be broken if I leave too. And she constantly says it herself, that she knows I won’t stay. I’d leave one day. That thought also kinda is holding me there with her. If I leave her fear would come true.
So let it come true?
The reason people generally carry on behaving really badly is because they have gotten away with it thus far. The longer you carry on pandering to her ridiculous behaviour, the longer you send her the message that what she’s doing is fine and reasonable.
Why do you owe it to her to not be broken, while at the same time she’s breaking *you*, and she’s fine with it?
You need to put yourself first man. Because she’s never going to.
HER. MENTAL. HEALTH. IS. NOT. YOUR. RESPONSIBILITY.
Stop people pleasing, start being honest with her about your feelings and leave. What happens after that is not on you.
And so, the longer you stay a) the longer it will be before she decides to access actual medical treatment or assistance for herself b) the more damage you will do to yourself c) the deeper the hurt of your leaving will be.
It’s time to go. By all means seek out some information on local services for her before you go. Alert any family or friends of hers that you are leaving or if none exist,you can alert your local health dept if you feel she is likely to harm herself, but, you must leave. I’m sorry.
She lived for 24 years without you. She’ll manage when you break up, and you should break up because she is highly emotionally manipulative.
If your ass is truly against the wall and you’ve tried everything within your power to help and guide her, then the best thing you can do for the both of you is to detach from the romantic relationship and end communication as there is barely any room now for romance, and that’s kind of a fundamental element. Do this the right way so you have no regrets, so say what you need to say after you’ve calmly thought about it kindly, lovingly and respectfully. Either she will get it or she won’t.
Due to her circumstances nobody is really to blame for the breakup/her issues, it’s more of a thing where she’s to blame if she doesn’t spend time working on herself and communicating better with those around her. But that takes time and sometimes it also takes loss in order for that epiphany to spark within someone.
Honesty is the best policy in these situations, so take a look within yourself as well, maybe you need to work on somethings too