I’m 27M who had never been on a date.
I gave up on the idea of dating towards the end of high school. No one had ever shown any interest in me and it was making me anxious. I decided to accept that I was not going happen to help lower the anxiety. It did help but after about 10 years and seeing a psych (for low self esteem), I been wondering if I should start trying.
My concern is that I’m very shy. I not particularly comfortable in groups larger then 5. I also have been diagnosed with Rheumatologist Arthritis in the last year. When paired with the not having a license travel places not near public transport is very difficult.
I know I could try dating websites but I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how bad they are. I’m not attractive or interesting and getting no matches is not going to give me confidence.
In the 10ish years that I’ve not been looking for a relationship, no one has shown any romantic interest in me so that also doesn’t fill me with confidence.
Unless I get very lucky and have a relationship just happens out of nowhere, I don’t really see it happening.
While lonely, I manage and I don’t want to jeopardise that by add the anxiety I lost all those years ago.
Should I start trying or just keep working on myself until I’m more comfortable (if that ever comes)?
3 comments
I think consider the loneliness as a separate issue from being in a relationship. Target the loneliness as the issue to work on. Try finding activities you can manage participating in & things like that. Creating even a small social life might help with eventually finding a woman you’re compatible with.
You have to make some effort to show romantic interest in other people otherwise no one will show any to you
Whether your conscious of it or not your refusal to pursue any romantic relationship influences how you interact with people, which in turn indicates to people that you’re unavailable. People pick up on subtle stuff like that on an unconscious level.
Even if others arent showing interest you need to start pursuing others to start getting rid of the aura of unavailability you’ve made (this is not a spiritual thing or but rather a matter of body language and behaviour patterns)
Why don’t you have a license? I’d imagine having that would help you feel better / feel like you have more control and independence about life in general and that might help with your anxiety. This might roll over into other areas in your life.