I live in a lovely city with everything I need—restaurants, food, services, transportation, etc.
I work remotely and earn a decent amount of income.
My wife works a comfortable and flexible job. (I’m not)
My two years old son goes to an excellent daycare, 2min walk from us.
We have everything we need on paper. We are living the dream.
But actually? I’m either working from 7 am to 4:30 pm or taking care of my child that just came back from daycare (if he’s not sick, which happens too often lately)
At best, I get 1 hour of rest after I’m done cleaning and arranging the apartment for the next day. Suddenly, cooking feels like a resting task.
I crash into bed at 11 pm and, at night, I’ll probably wake up once or twice because the baby woke up.
Why so difficult like this? Am I doing something wrong?
Have I done something terrible to anyone? I don’t understand.
I want time for myself, without giving or receiving orders to do something.
I want to sit quickly and relax without anyone chasing after me.
I want to stop working many hours, but it’s a good income.
I want quiet. And when I say quiet, I mean REAL quiet, and not quiet, while having guilt feelings that I’m not there for anyone who needs my help.
4 comments
You need to hire some help so you can take a break. Even a babysitter on Fridays so you and your wife can have some time off would help.
Maybe a cleaning service to clean the apt on a regular basis. Someone to watch the kid 1 or 2 nights a week so you get some time with friends.
It takes a LOT of effort to raise a toddler, and I don’t see you both getting a lot of support in your post.
What people don’t usually realize is that children will suck your time, especially during the 0-8 years old time frame. I never really thought too much about having children but take it more as matter of fact, or something that just have to happen in life for everyone. It’s like you just have to go to school and find a job kind of thing. So I never actually plan and desire having a child.
It takes the pandemic, depression of losing some friends & relatives, spending more time with my children when I start seeing what parenthood is all about. When my child was sick, I used to feel like it’s an obstacle that I must cross and I just need to find a solution and put effort to it. But with the shift in the mindset, it now becomes “I’m worried for him, what can I do to help him?”.
It is similar to how I used to think sitting down doing nothing is a waste of available time and was anxious to use the time. But now I welcome it as a resting time. If I do nothing, so be it. I’m not wasting anytime, I’m giving my body and mind a rest.
Yup, I’ve been dealing with this lately as I’ve got two kids. I’ve been doing “play” happy hour with friends with kids, let them loose to play while the adults have a beer or two after work (usually Thursday or Friday). I do my best to “meal prep” so that the weekly dinners are easier and don’t suck out too much time. Finally I try to hire a sitter to do a date night with the wife or hang with friends at least once a week. Last thing I’ll mention is that this only last until they are about 6 or 8 years old and slowly become more self reliant.
Sorry man but that sounds exactly like the life of every other person who has a job, partner and a small child, if you don’t want to take care of your child you should pay for someone that does it, if you don’t want to take care of your house you should pay for someone who does it, if your job is making you miserable look for a new job that could fix that.
If you’re tired, learn to rest but don’t give up, and value the time you can spend resting and try to earn more.
And last but not least, if you’re resting and feel guilty about it, that’s a sign that something is wrong with your head mate, get therapy, learn where this is coming from.