I was dating someone for a few weeks and thought things were going well. I was very comfortable with him and really enjoyed talking to and spending time with him. Last night he ended things and I’m currently mourning its end and feeling quite sad. We had been communicating really well and we had a great long, open, honest conversation about what happened and why. We’re going to talk in a couple weeks and see if we can salvage a friendship. I think we got along well, and I really genuinely think he’s a great person and currently feel like I would like to (and am capable of) be friends. If I had to imagine the way things would end, this is it. He set the bar really high in a number of ways and whether or not we keep in touch, I won’t forget him and what he taught me about what I deserve from a partner.
In the past I’ve always gotten frustrated and shut down the apps after I stopped dating someone because I am very anxious and stressed and completely overthinking it. I am actively seeking therapy to help me with this type of thing, but we all know finding someone is very challenging at the moment. This time I’m not going to give up. I’m going to put myself back out there asap.
BUT. My hang up is whether or not I should do it immediately while I’m still feeling quite sad? Or do I wait until I feel better? I’m not sure whether or not it would be a happy distraction or make me feel worse. And obviously, this is a minor thing. It’s not catastrophic either way. Just looking for some advice perhaps from folks who’ve been in a similar place.
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Personal preference, but I find that I prefer to get back on the horse when it’s just a short thing like this. My disappointment at that point is minor enough that new dates help me get over it faster, and I’m not doing anyone a disservice by trying to date them while still really hung up on a previous person. Relationships of a year plus are when I generally take time to reflect and recover before dating again.
I think it really depends on if you find a pleasant distraction or not. Sometimes the swiping out of reacting really just ends on me swiping on basically no one so it ends up being a waste of time.
Hope the friends thing works out for you! It can absolutely work under the right circumstances!
One thing I’ve learned in life is listen to your gut. If your questioning something than don’t do it. As I look back on my life evaluating all my bad decisions there is one thing in common. I talked myself into that decision. All my good ones, I wasn’t able to talk myself out of. No one can truly answer this question but you. One piece of relationship advice though is other people can’t make you happy. Only you.
If you want to do it as a distraction I think that’s fine. Don’t do it to make yourself happy. Guys can sense when a girl is in this kind of mental state and one of two things happen. They take advantage of you for a hookup or they run. Neither is good for emotional health.
Sorry to hear. Rejection is a very normal part of life. Take your time and just feel the emotions you feel now. If you want to move on then do but be mindful of too much emotional reasoning. It sounds like he really affected you (although in a good way I think)
definitely assess how you’re feeling and go with that! if you feel like you wanna get right back to it, go for it. I dated someone at the beginning of the summer for like a month and a halfish with the last couple of weeks of that being kind of faded out. after we had that discussion to not see each other anymore I gave myself a few days to be sad about it but then I hopped back on the apps because I felt similarly to you!
The pain is there for a reason. Maybe consider exploring your pain. You’ve been affected both positively and negatively, take some time to learn something about yourself.
That’s really something only you can know. Sure, you can pick yourself up and put yourself out there again but the way you described this relationship, it meant something to you.
Take your time or don’t… only you can know.
You already sound like you should take some time off because it’ already in your mind. BUT the time off should be short because I fear it will get heavier on you if you take too long of a break. This approach should at least satisfy two things you want: to take a necessary break & to get back out there. Good luck homie!
It was only a few weeks so you couldn’t have gotten to attached to him but the good thing about the apps, there will always be people on there to match with no matter how long of a break you take
It would probably be better to peruse people than pursue them at this moment in time.
It was so short, I wouldn’t think it would be too long of a mourning process. Have you heard of the saying the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new? But if you feel like you are not ready then dont, but no one is going to judge if you do try to move on quickly because it was just a short time. In my case, im getting out of a 16 year relationship so I’m giving myself a year just to heal and work on myself. Shoot I wish it was just a couple of weeks. Let me tell you it sucks waaaaaaaaay more when you invest so much time just to see it fail.