How would you react if you walked in on your spouse crying when they assumed you wouldn’t be home?

8 comments

1. Concern and care. I’d also feel sad that he feels like he has to cry in secret. I’d focus on comforting him and showing that being vulnerable does not make him weak or “unmanly”. Men are humans too with human emotions.

2. I would be concerned, and I’d try to do what I can to help.

3. So much empathy. I would rush over and envelop them in a huge hug.

4. Probably all the above, but I’d try to minimize my own reaction for just a bit — I think sometimes when we see someone we care about in pain, we go into panic mode and rush to help them. Sometimes it’s out of care, but I also realized that sometimes it’s to ease our own discomfort or a little of both 🤷🏽‍♀️ Which, there’s totally a place for that, but the main goal is to provide comfort and a safe place for our loved ones to emote without judgment.

   At least in that moment, anyhow. My SO and I found sometimes it’s best to just gently be like, “Hey, what is it you need right now? Just someone to listen or help?” so we don’t make the situation worse, and we’ve started doing that with others, too. Friends, family, etc.

   Nine times out of ten, it’s just someone to listen while we work our own problems out. And sometimes the person just needs space until they can proccess whatever made them cry. There’s not really a one size fits all approach, but a little grace goes a long way for anybody.

5. Is drop everything and give him all the care and attention in the world.

6. I’d feel these emotions, in this order:

   1) Confusion: Is he crying? What’s going on?

   2) Worry: After realizing he’s crying, I’d assume something bad happened, since people are upset when they cry. I’d calmly ask why is he crying.

   Now, what happens next depends on why is he crying in the first place. Crying because your mom died, crying because you had a shit day at work, and crying because you’re physically hurt are all very different reasons.

   3a) If something severe/serious happened,–loss of a relative, loss of a pet, loss of a friend–, my first reaction would hug him and ask what can I do to comfort him. *This scenario would make me feel worried and angsty.*

   3b) If something emotionally distressing happened,–fighting with someone, bad day, stress, financial burdens–, I’d try to give insight and helpful advice to help solve this issue. *This scenario would make me feel sympathetic.*

   3c) If something that physically hurt my partner happened, I’d rush to aid him, while calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital. *This scenario would make me feel scared for his safety.*

7. Worry then love. I would would ask if they are alright if they need anything. And try to talk about if they don’t want to just sit with them and cuddle.

8. I’d hug him and ask him what’s up and like to my best to comfort him.