i was with this guy, and he asked me to suck his dick. i didnt know how to explicitly say no so i said “idk” and i was just reluctant to do it. he kept on asking and saying please and i sort of gave in. i felt used after, and when i told him about it after, he said he didn’t coerce me because i gave him “signals” which include us havibg regular sex and me expressinf interest in BJs over text before the incident. in my opinion, if it isn’t a yes, then it’s a no. and now he’s trying to pin the blame on me because after the incident i talked to him normally. i sort of have people pleasing behaviors but after awhile i decided i need to stop and i told him about it finally and he said it was so out of the blue bc i’ve been acting normal w him. thing is, i have low self esteem and felt obligated to do it. what do u guys think.
7 comments
learn to say no hun
Wym you gave in??? If he asked you to do it and you say idk and then you just gave in and did it he also didn’t say yes if you immediately went to sucking it??? Unless he grabbed your head and forced you into doing it? Go into more details. Idk why you’d say idk if someone ask you to perform a sexual act on them but next time say no if you mean no
Yeah, this sounds like coercion to me. Also, he sounds extremely gross for wanting to argue you with you about what you did or did not desire, rather than taking an interest in how the experience was for you, and expressing sorrow at how it left you feeling. Like, I’d feel awful if I spoke to someone I hooked up with and they said, “Hey, that whole experience, it just did not feel good for me and I felt used after.”
I wouldn’t have a ton of hope of making this guy understand his role in this. So I myself would cut all contact. I also think it’s a good guide (for me anyway) that I don’t do anything sexually unless my whole mood is screaming “YEAH I WANT THIS.”
If you expressed discomfort and he noticed yet still kept begging you then yeah. He knew you weren’t sure and still went through with something that wasn’t very clear undoubtable consent
He’s gross, ew. Pressing you even though you were hesitant? Ew.
Say no and stick to it girl
I’d suggest therapy. Not for the coercion, because yeah that was coercion. It’s a fuzzy grey area as to whether or not it constituted a crime. But yeah, therapy.
If that’s not an option, I recommend the following: Therapists will introduce small amounts of whatever the patient’s phobia is to them. Hydrophobic? goin to the kiddie pool. Acrophobic, breakout the step ladder. Then they’ll gradually increase the volume of said phobic material.
You, need to have a trusted friend/relative/reddit troll to ask you to do things you don’t want (nonsexual of course) so you can get up the confidence to give someone the finger. You’d be surprised how well these methods work. Allow me to be the first: “Go Make me a Sandwich!” (I’m kidding, mods, don’t ban me.)