I (24f) went through a break up in January with (24m) that I had little to no problems with. We never really argued, had a great sex life, great communication skills, we’re involved in each other friends and families, we’re together for 6 years and never had any major issues. We broke up because I realized that despite all that and our years together, he didn’t know if he loved me and had started having feelings for someone else.
So that was it.
It was the right call and we are amicable but with no actual problems (other then another person I guess) to latch on to I’m having a really hard time moving on. He’s dating her now and seems happy and while I’m happy for him it kills me that everything is just over now and everyone has moved on from the life we built together.
My friends are supportive but sick of hearing about it. All of our friends are mutual so I know I’ll see him again and his girlfriend, it’s only a matter of time.
Everyone keeps telling me that I’m better off and that it will get easier with time and I don’t want him back. Iv been spending time with new friends and getting into new hobbies that I enjoy but at the end (as well as the beginning and middle) of the day, I miss him. I miss us and the life we could have had together. I have no idea how to start to move on from someone I still care so much about, someone I thought I’d marry.
TL;dr After the end of a long term relationship I have no idea how to move on from someone I love.
5 comments
>was the right call and we are amicable but with no actual problems (other then another person I guess) to latch on to I’m having a really hard time moving on
There was a huge and very clearly defined problem. He did not want to be with you and wanted someone else. That is very definitive. I can understand needing more time to get over it because 6 years is a very long time, but don’t pretend like it was an overall good relationship. It wasn’t. A good relationship is one where you’re loved and wanted and your partner isn’t looking for someone else.
moving on is a very hard process. it can take years to stop thinking of a person. personally i like to describe it like basically studying a degree on a person and then having nothing to do with that degree once it’s over. but the best thing to do is take it one day at a time, try and delete pictures with them, don’t go through old texts and also try to remove their belongings from your space. after my break up i started off by throwing away any gifts that person had given me or by donating them. i think what you wanna do is take your space back, if that means getting rid of traces of them then that would be a good start.
Your friends are right It takes time. I know this from experience sadly enough. Just keep on doing what you are doing,
I’m sorry you are feeling stuck in grief and loss. This is hard. Especially when it ends in someone leaving you for another person — that hurts like hell.
But you find yourself clinging to this relationship combined with the fact that there was “no conflict” in 6 years (which is unusual) this gives me the impression that the relationship wasn’t as healthy as you say it is. I get the feeling you tend to lose yourself in relationships — you make your partner your world, you put their happiness above your own, don’t hold them accountable for bad behaviour, avoid conflict out of fear of rocking the boat. All of these actions actually undermine trust and intimacy in the long-run. If this is ringing true, I think the best way to move on from this relationship is to be honest with yourself and learn from it these “mistakes.” When you can take away personal growth lessons, it will make the relationship feel like it served a purpose, instead of like a “failure.” Ultimately, making it easier to move on.
That said, I could be completely off base, maybe your relationship was super healthy and you were your best self. This was just a case of him finding someone who was a better match for him. Sadly, that sometimes happens in life, and it is something you don’t have much control over. You just have to trust that you will also find a better match one day, too.
You were together for SIX YEARS and never married??? OUCH!!! I’d google: CODEPENDENCY and learn how to become less DEPENDENT and more SELF RELIANT from now onwards. You “miss” him because you fell into the CODEPENDENT TRAP of need and dependency so, now that he’s gone, you are left empty handed and in desperate NEED of some kind of moral/emotional support. google: CO DEPENDENCY and learn how to over come it to have your own life again.