So my boyfriend and I (both in our early 20s) have been together a short amount of time however we’ve been best friends and friends with benefits on occasions for well over 2 years. We decided to make it official, which is fantastic. I love him dearly. However I’ve noticed the sex has been changing. He doesn’t participate in foreplay anymore unless it’s specifically for him, he stops as soon as he cums, and recently there was a time I didn’t want to do that and his response was to masturbate right there and turn over for the night. Felt absolutely humiliated. Anyways today he came up to me extremely excited about a purchase he made. I thought it was a game he’s been wanting so I was excited to hear but then he told me “I just bought a pornstars fleshlight.” Then told me he got someone that was the same race as me (we’re in a interracial relationship). To me the last part seemed a bit off to mention but the whole thing took me back. I’m not mad he got a fleshlight but it makes me quite insecure he got a custom one on top of the sex life but he claims he’s very much attracted to me. Am I overreacting???
4 comments
You’ll want to talk with him about how he sees sex working in your relationship. Is foreplay important? Is it important for both of you to have orgasms if you want? Is masturbation in front of your partner acceptable or not?
The fact that sex activities have changed suggests that he may feel he’s reached the goal of having a relationship, so he doesn’t have to try as hard. You will need to make clear that him trying shows you are worth the effort, and makes you feel good about yourself.
Have you tried simply asking him about it? Also, unless said porn star specifically made it for him, it’s not custom. It’s just another way to sell sex, a toy is a toy and I wouldn’t look further into that bit.
This is kinda odd as it seems like he’s only going for his pleasure instead of yours. I say that you need to sit him down and ask questions, and stand your ground if he tries to get defensive or accusatory. Tell him how his behavior is making you feel, bring up how he’s skipping out on foreplay and not helping you finish properly and that it’s selfish of him. A great relationship needs sexual compatibility so if he’s not willing to act and perform properly, it’s not going to last very long or something worse can happen if you just let it go. Don’t let these things go, put your foot down and don’t let him play you or your emotions.
​
The worst thing that can happen isn’t that you have to end the relationship, it’s that he’ll continue using you for his own pleasure and that is a downward spiral into an abusive relationship.
It’s not odd that he got himself a sex toy. If you got one everyone here would be like good for you.
What you need to address is what you want from sex with him…
Ask for it. make sure he is giving you what you want….ask for foreplay until you are ready for him to put his dick in.
Ask for oral or whatever you want.