I went out on a really nice 2nd date with a gentleman – and I think I panicked. He was sweet and cute, and has a LOT to offer! But I felt like he was ready to lock things down immediately after our 2nd date. He scared me off a bit, because he was so ready and sure to be in a relationship – and I’m still in the “meeting people and see if we connect” phase.

I texted him the next day and said we didn’t have any chemistry! I haven’t heard from him since – and the conversation ended there.

I totally REGRET texting him that!!! I wish I had said, “Hey let’s take this slow – could you slow down little,” instead of “I’m not attracted to you.” I fumbled my words – and it came out awkwardly in text and completely untrue. I’m new to online dating, and just didn’t handle this one well.

Should I contact him and ask him to go out again? I’d like to at least go on one or two more dates with him to see if there is a connection.

I actually really liked him – but he kind of scared me off because he seemed to be wanting to rush into a relationship.

24 comments

  1. Would you have preferred that he beg for a second chance or question your reasoning?

    >I texted him the next day and said we didn’t have any chemistry! I haven’t heard from him since.

    Just tell him what you told us and let him know you’d be down for another date if he’s cool with it.

  2. LOL yeah you rejected him why would you think that you would hear from him? You hurt the dude’s feelings. Advice is to reach out and ask him if he is still wants to see you again. Tell him that you panicked a little bit but you’ve reconsidered and you want to try again. He will probably think you had another guy fall through or something and now you are circling back to your backup option lol.

  4. >I actually really liked him – but he kind of scared me off because he seemed to be wanting to rush into a relationship.

    So instead of texting him this and just letting him know, you want to take things slow. You just rejected him. Now you’re telling us this “back and forth” non-sense. If I was him, I would never give you another chance. Because if the roles were reversed, no women would either. Chalk up your losses.

  9. I read your comment on another post. The part about him seeming to want to dive in based off what he said. My most recent date I was that guy, not because I wanted to rush anything but because I get nervous meeting new people. Anyway I get it, and much like the gentleman here I received the text about chemistry. It hurt but it was what it was, but if she texted me again saying essentially what you have said I would be willing to give it another go.

    My advise reach out to him. Tell him the truth.

  12. Just text him what you said. If he still doesn’t reply, then move on. Nothing to lose here.

    But do be prepared to explain what rushing into a relationship means to you.

  14. I don’t think that would be a good idea. Maybe moving on from this guy is the better thing to do. You learnt something from this experience and hopefully you can handle situations as such better in future.

  15. You don’t have anything to lose by reaching out again, besides hope that he’ll respond. However, it’s unlikely you’ll get a positive response unless he is either desperate or supremely confused because you in fact did have chemistry. Think a bit more next time about the right things to say and ways to handle the early stages of dating. In all likelihood, you mishandled this beyond repair and should prepare to let it go.

  16. Worth a shot, chemistry can grow with time. Text him but be ready to let your ego go and be ready because you might receive a negative answer, even if you do, who cares, at least you tried. Better to try than have regrets. Do you know if he actually enjoyed the date or if he was just rushing things too without thinking?

  17. I think if you’re panicking this easily you probably aren’t ready to date in general

  18. Actually I think you did exactly the right thing. Now the guy knows why you’re not interested and he won’t be spending the next days or weeks wondering what he might have done wrong. Good for you for being honest and direct. I think most guys would appreciate having that bit of feedback so that they can move on without second guessing themselves or thinking they messed up the date somehow.

  20. If I were him and you reached out to me after rejecting me with that (which I would rightly assume means you aren’t physically or romantically attracted to me), I’d figure you were either crazy, desperate, or your option A fizzled and I’m the bland backup plan.

    If he has any dignity whatsoever, you’ll never hear from him again and he won’t respond favorably to you if you do contact him.

  21. You shouldn’t panic so bad but it’s a good lesson to learn,

    Text him back, apologise and explain him exactly what you did like you are doing it here. If he understands, you are good to go.

  22. Nah that’s how you felt, now your ego is making you question yourself, cause he’s now out of your reach. I don’t think you liked him.

  23. Don’t bother – your first gut reaction was probably correct and you’ll probably be stringing him along until something better comes along otherwise you wouldn’t have offered up such info to shut it down.

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