Hi please be kind, im in a really bad space right now. My (23f) boyfriend cheated with this woman, this is not the first time I’ve been cheated on by an ex. I’ve already left him but I’m having a hard time because she’s so hot. And it’s really affecting me mentally. It’s made me so insecure, before I would just move on with my life but I’m not sure how to move past this. I could really use kind advice.
For anyone wondering the difference:
Im young and still building up my life, I’m pretty but a little thicker. I’m brunette.
She’s the polar opposite of me. She’s middle aged, busty, fit, owns her own nice home, blonde. Jesus she even has the name that I wanted to name my future daughter.
38 comments
Any guy who cheats isn’t worth your pain. Deep down you know that. How she looks like doesn’t matter. She’s a dumb hoe who had something with a guy who was taken. They are both pos and you should be glad you’re rid of him.
Hi,
I’m not sure what I can say to comfort other than you’ve got friends you don’t even know yet who are here to listen without prejudice or judge.
Stay strong buddy.
Hugs from all here for you rn 🙂
Go for therapy. Its a must don’t ignore it. Having low self esteem, feeling undervalued is a common feeling at this stage. But remember beauty is temporary character is forever.
What she looks like is irrelevant. Cheaters just go “fishing” and grab whoever takes the bait (literally whoever, blondes, brunettes, tall, short, young, old, divorced, married… You get the picture)
She’s middle aged and she needs to hook up with younger guys who are in relationships? THAT is some low self esteem. Can you imagine yourself doing that in 20 years? Didn’t think so. She’s just flashy and a bucket list item and this doesn’t reflect on you at all. Clearly your boyfriend wasn’t Grade A either if he’s cheating. This might hurt now but everyone here just did you a favor by showing their hands. Also, thicker is perfectly fine. There are plenty of men out there who want a little something to grab.
He cheated on you so there is a very big chance he will cheat on this new woman as well. Consider it a bullet dodged when someone cheats. Better to find out now that he sucks instead of 10 years from now.
This has more to do with him being shallow and weak willed than anything about you, so don’t beat yourself up too badly over this.
Ohhhhhhh honey! I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine what’s going on in your head right now.
Remember this: the attractiveness of a person does not determine whether or not they’ll get cheated on or not — BEYONCE got cheated on, come on!! Cheating isn’t about a woman’s perceived “lack” of beauty, worth, or social status. No matter how beautiful/hot/skinny/whatever someone is, a cheater is always going to cheat. It’s not because you weren’t good enough. It’s because he’s an insecure, desperate, and despicable man.
Wishing you well. <3
Hey Op I promise you you’re going to be OK. It may take some time to heal from this but you’re gonna come back in a better position. Think of it like this, you get to go to sleep now and not have to second guess what your ex was doing. You don’t have to worry about him flirting with someone else, the messages, the phone calls nothing. That’s on her Or whoever you’re ex is with next. You get to relax and heal and move forward. Don’t look at her and think you have to be what that is. Because you have the opportunity to write your own story. And experience life the way you want to. Go to therapy if you need to talk to someone. And don’t let this define you. You will come out on top in the end.
She’s all of those things: older, blonder etc. And was still only treated like a side piece for a much younger guy with a much younger gf. Her self-esteem isn’t any higher than yours and your ex knows this. He finds women who are way too good for him and don’t realize it and then uses them. Please, talk to someone because men like him are so good at finding women to target and your best defense is building up your self esteem. You’re worth being loved and respected.
First off you shouldn’t call him your boyfriend anymore second of its not your fault these people cheat on you. You just got the wrong type of SO’s
I’m so sorry.
Just keep reminding yourself that she didn’t win a prize. She won a cheater, and you won the freedom to go find someone kind and decent (trust me, there are loads of them out there).
Your ex probably doesn’t want to settle down with someone middle aged. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is where you go from here, and you’re going to be fine, I promise
You just dumped a dumb, hot mess. Every time I hear a story like this I feel the need to say it: your ex is gonna regret losing you!!! Even if they don’t admit it, even if you think they won’t think about you (they will).
You sound like a sweet person who deserves so much better than what he gave you. Mark my words, he’s gonna be waking up in cold sweats at night, kicking himself because you aren’t there. You have to remind yourself of your own worth, because you are worthy of love and respect.
Ummm don’t even waste your time comparing yourself to her or trying to understand why he cheated with her because here’s the truth. You never will be able to understand it because it’s a lack of empathy or a want to impress himself or his friends or a braging rights type thing or maybe he just wanted sez in the moment. Either way it had nothing to do with your faults as a person. in actuality it has to deal with his faults in character or maturity for a committed relationship your better off without him because if you thought you had love sweetheart I’m sorry but you were mistaken or conned.. happens to the best of us
He’s trash, plain and simple. I’m so sorry that he’s hurt you in this way but you need to realize it’s not because she’s better looking or better in any other way than you. It’s because he suuuucks.
Hell, famously gorgeous women like Beyoncé and Angelina Jolie have been cheated on, and they’re considered widely to be among the most beautiful women in the world. It’s not about whether or not you’re beautiful enough, it’s whether your partner is a good person. And he’s proven to not be.
Best thing you can do is move on, focus on yourself and forget his ass. She can have him (at least until he cheats on her too).
Edit: added a word I forgot
She might have “stole” him but like….all she got was a cheater. You’re single now to find someone good. Who really lost here?
She’s a homewrecker and he’s an asshole. They deserve each other and you deserve better.
You sound like you need a lot more life experience to see that this is a blessing in disguise. This lady did you a favor by exposing your low quality BF’s wandering eye. The alternative is you don’t find out your BF has a wandering eye and stay with him for years. Who cares if he’s “hot “? He’s ugly on the inside.
Men don’t care if you’re thicker. Lotta men actually like that. Key is confidence. Own it sis.
I watched a YouTube video of a woman who was insecure, made worse by cheating men. she opened a dog rescue, stopped wasting time on men. and recently read on Facebook about a woman who was feeling traumatized by men, she went and started feeding the homeless, sitting with them, listening to their stories. she’s going to school to be a social worker, while continuing to help at shelters and food banks. she said it was cheaper than therapy and more helpful.
Just know that he lost you. Don’t put her up on a pedestal. You may think she is attractive but someone else could look at her and be disgusted. Its important to understand that you are just as valuable. Did she know he had a gf? If she did then she is leagues below you. Understand that someone one day will realize how incredible you are, how beautiful you are, and Know to never lose you. His loss queen. CITY GIRLS UP!!!!
NTA. Girl you’re lucky this loser showed his true colors. And no matter how “good” this middle age woman looks, how terrible of a person she is to actually go along with it (that is assuming she knew).
Sometimes we go through shitty relationships, because it helps us figure out what we truly deserve. By the time I left my toxic bf and got in a new relationship, I knew everything I wanted, and trust me I got it.
At the time it sucked to go through a breakup, but boy was it the best decision I ever made. I get goosebumps thinking about how my future would’ve turned out if I stayed with him.
Eventually, you’ll feel the same way. Take this time and love yourself. You deserve it. And when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready.
…Wait…Hold up….
Middle-aged?! He’s 23 years old? Okay, firstly, no middle-aged person is friends (outside of work) with a guy in his early 20’s with innocent intentions. She’s clearly a predator, and their friendship is sketchy as hell. What the hell does a middle-aged woman have in common with a guy barely old enough to legally drink?
This isn’t about type. I don’t trust your boyfriend’s intentions, or that woman’s, and I have no clue when they started sleeping together but that has NOTHING to do with you and what you look like.
Honestly, don’t obsess over this. He was a terrible boyfriend, that woman is absolute trash, and you’re so much better off having both of them in your past.
Also, men don’t cheat because they go after their “type.” It’s not about that. It’s not about him wanting you to look like her, or her being more attractive, it’s none of those things. He was a cheater. She was an easy lay. And chances are, if they were friends before you knew him, they had already hooked up before you even came along.
And if you’re really struggling with this, you should consider therapy. It can really help in situations like this when it starts to affect your self-esteem.
Adam Levine wife is a Victoria secret model. Emily ratajkowski got cheated on. So did prime Elizabeth Hurley. It ain’t about you or your looks.
Keep your head up. Cause I was cheated on after 17 years together. So trust me what the other woman looks like is not really the reason why he cheated.
Take time to take care of YOU.
It’s nothing to do with who is hotter
There are a million women more hot than her that exist too.
You, my dear, were with a horrible person who does not value love, family and deep meaningful relationships.
He wanted to screw around, and he will screw around no matter how hot his gf is. It’s what he likes doing.
Fuck him. Even the most amazing women get cheated on by literal bums. You’re an amazing person so forget about him! Be glad the trash took itself out
You’d feel better if he cheated with an ugly girl?
He will cheat on her too. A cheater is a cheater – has nothing to do with the person they cheated on and everything to do with them as a person.
I may get a lot of bad comments for what I’m about to say here, but in my opinion 75% of guys will cheat on their girlfriends, it’s just something that happens.
Stop comparing yourself with a girl he cheated on you with as this is the worst thing anyone could do. He did not cheat on you because she is too hot compare to you rather he cheated on you because this is who he is as he does not have morality to be in relationship. Once you find a right guy for you who has his shit together he will not cheat on you so learn from this experience and move on with your life. This will take time but there is nothing like that you cannot move on from this. Better if you see a counselor to understand how you can do this process of moving faster.
Brunettes are hotter than blondes and thicker is better than just busty. Financial wise you can’t compete, but you’re just starting out and do you want a man to be with you just because you have a house?
At the end of the day some people just lack empathy and emotional maturity. You can’t let immature people affect the way you view yourself and you don’t need to compare yourself to others. Love yourself, make yourself laugh and smile. You’ll find a man who appreciates you for who you are and how hot you are, but not if you let some assholes make you forget how great you are.
Not to be glib, but if you have to have a partner who cheats on you, wouldn’t you rather it be with someone hot? I had a partner cheat on me with a heroin addict who looked exactly like a heroin addict. Talk about soul-destroying.
You avoided a potential land mine; he might be drawn to mommy types. This has nothing to do with you, you will definitely find something better in the future. Chin up, you’ll get through this and we’re here to support you if you need it.
Trust me she is not better. Your vision is clouded by betrayal.
I’m 30. I would never sleep with a man that much younger and in a relationship with someone else. I would want to be with my peers. With someone who I respect. And is an equal to me in life experience.
The real question is not what is so great about her. It’s what is wrong with her?
She may be hot but she’s obv a shitty person! Looks fade, being a good person is for life.
Take her off that damned pedestal! Theres a reason why no ones with her and all she could do is attract a cheater.
And start to appreciate yourself! Focus on you! Remind yourself what makes you special.
I mean. She sounds like a loser if she has all that and is fucking some dude in his 20s, TRUST me, she doesn’t have as much going for herself as you think she does, besides, if she’s fucking a guy that young, she will probably ditch him for another dude in a few years, and then when he looks around, you will probably be with a guy who actually values you, you deserve better than that loser honey, you need to know that, Love your self and Value your self. Thank this loser for helping you dodge a bullet, also, 23 and a little thicc… trust me, you’re gonna find someone
The level of trauma that you went through, I feel sorry for you. I hope that next person that you’ll be with will be loyal and love you genuinely. I hope you can get through this.
Don’t ever let ANYONE define your worth. You are so much more than him and that relationship. Keep your head up queen! Be the boss you were meant to be!
Why are you comparing yourself to her – would you really like to be in mid age sleeping around with other women partners? Thanks God you’re not her sweetheart! 😁