Context: So I’ve been talking to this guy for a bit. We met a while back and started things casually (read: hooking up) and never really texted much outside of making the occasional plans to hook up. Anyway, I’ve reached a new stage in my life where I’m more focused on finding something long-term and serious, and let him know that we probably won’t be meeting up much longer so I can put more energy into finding a relationship. After I said this he seemed to express some curiosity in what I was looking for in a partner/openness to dating more seriously. So I just put it out there that if he wanted to explore dating more seriously with me, I’d be open to that. Still, I wasn’t really putting much hope in him agreeing because I know it’s rare for FwBs to be interested in anything more. But he seemed genuinely open to the possibility and said he’d be interested in going on some dates.
So I reached out to him about a week after that and invited him on a date. I thought it went well enough and he always seems pretty engaged/interested in me when we’re hanging in person. After the date he asked me to text him when I got home. I did and sent a subsequent text after that to which he didn’t respond, which was a little over a week ago.
Since we first started talking months back he hasn’t been the best at replying in a timely manner (he’s acknowledged this too), but I never really cared much then because it was purely sexual, with different expectations around things. But since talking about seeing where things could go romantically, I guess I had the hope/expectation that he would be better at replying and/or initiate conversations/date plans. With other guys I’ve tried to date, it’s always been the case where they reach out periodically during the week to see how I am or to to ask when we can see each other next—their interest has been clear.
It’s been a week since I hung out with him and sent my last text but he hasn’t replied or reached out at all. I was tempted to invite him out again this past weekend, but didn’t since I don’t want to be the one always initiating (even when we were hooking up this was the case). Should I just take this as a sign that he’s not that interested or chalk it up to him being forgetful about replying to texts? If there are any ‘bad texters’ reading this, are you always bad at getting back to people or do you actively try to be better at responding if you like the person? Am I just being overly anxious and dramatic about the time it’s taking him to reply?
Now that I write this I feel like I have a pretty clear answer, but if anyone has any two cents I’d still appreciate it.
TLDR: FwB (who I’ve known is a bad texter for a while now) expressed interest in going on some dates after I told him I’m phasing out of hooking up. Seems interested in me whenever we hang out but doesn’t initiate texting, make plans or reply quickly.
8 comments
If it’s important to someone, they will do it. Being a “bad texter” isn’t an excuse. I would stop contacting him and see what happens. If he’s genuinely interested in you, he will pursue you.
It really depends on the person. By some definitions, my gf would be considered a bad texter since we only text like once or twice a day on average where the responses are hours apart. But we’ve been together for almost 9 months now.
For some. That’s a deal breaker but if you feel like it’s not an issue but your partner does, it can lead to some issues.
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He’s not interested. If he was, you’d know. For the most part, guys make it very clear when they like you. Even as a bad texter to not text someone for days at a time shows his intentions.
As a guy I suspect he isn’t interested in the idea of a relationship/dating, I feel he’d be a bit more proactive rather than reactive in a scenario like this if he was interested. I can be a bad texter at times but I wouldn’t leave someone I’m interested in without a response for a week. I could be wrong but the signs point to a lack of interest.
I think it’s an excuse. If you’re interested in someone, you make them a priority.
He’s probably having trouble shifting gears from what you’ve been doing (FwB) to actual dating – it’s tough to make the switch since the dynamic has been so casual and somewhat one-sided to start. I wouldn’t put all my eggs in this basket – get more dates with others lined up!
He ain’t interested unfortunately, probably said he was because he didn’t want the sex to end