My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been together for several months & I’ve never felt so safe and happy. However he has depression and it’s manifested seriously for the first time while we’ve been together in the last week. I noticed things slowly slipping in the last 3 weeks in terms of my needs being met, but a few days ago he opened up saying he’s struggling and needs space and doesn’t know if we’ll get through this. So basically my needs are on hold and he’s unable to show up for me in the same ways.
I’ve accepted he needs a week or two alone and weve agreed we’re still in a relationship but he can’t provide certainty of our future so I’m scared the next time I see him we’ll break up or it’s coming soon. It’s hard as well as he said he doesn’t want to lose me and that he cares for me a lot, which is confusing. So he’s basically withdrawn since that convo but we still text all day and check in on each other. He tells me when he’s exercising and doing stuff so I know he’s trying.
The fact our future is uncertain has made me feel so nauseous and affected my digestion, appetite and sleep. I feel if we just decided to get through this together I wouldn’t be in this state and could support him better. I took treats and left them at his house today, but even doing that caused a lot of anxiety due to worrying abt crossing a boundary and I felt vulnerable due to the uncertainty.
Im also considering whether breaking up is the best option because this is really painful for me. But everything has been really good up until when his depression flared and he’s a wonderful person I don’t want to lose, so a breakup will cause a lot of pain.
Any advice would be appreciated ❤️
TL;DR boyfriends depression has flared, he’s asked for space, withdrawn amd can’t provide certainty on our future. This has caused anxiety for me.
1 comment
I think you’re putting the cart before the horse here. How much preparation for the future should you be expecting after dating for a few months? My money is on… None. What is he no longer providing that you’re missing out on?
If someone is depressed then this kind of thing isn’t going to be a one off. It’s a part of him and how he operates. If you’re thinking about throwing in the towel now, it’s probably best to do that before you get too attached.