I’m not dying to date or anything right now but a conversation with a friend got me to thinking about this. I think I’m at least fairly attractive and I go out to party type atmospheres fairly often but I’ve never in my life had a guy walk up and flirt with me.
I’m sure the obvious answer is dating apps but it seems so impersonal to me and I’d rather gauge how a guy is in the moment and decide rather than having to go through the process of texting and setting up time to meet for potentially a guy I might not even like.
I don’t understand how they don’t when I see so many other women post about how much they like assertive guys.
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So stleast imo, today’s guys are less likely to go up to women, unless they’re like super cocky or just have the confidence to do so. But like you said, girls post about liking assertive guys, a lot of girls also post about not wanting to be approached. So a lot of guys have that fear of making a girl uncomfortable by going up to them because they read the room wrong, I mean there’s the obvious fear of rejection, and then yk, guys just don’t wanna risk the chance of misinterpreting something wrong and getting the one girl who makes a scene (also I have had this happen to me, and it has happened to other guys I know, dont eann deal with that again) where the girl just sorta embarsses the guy for going up to them. But yeah, main thing is guys are seeing way more on social media that girls wanna be left alone, so they’re listening
The fact that you aren’t ready to start dating gives off a dont approach me vibe.
Honestly, there’s to little info to say anything
Yes I do. It’s tougher these days as many things that were considered normal back in the day, like walking up to someone giving them a complement and asking if they want a drink is considered rude or borderline abusive these days. So I do that with girls I make eye contact with maybe a smile. Something that will tell me that my attention wouldn’t be offensive to them.
To be fair, I’m not socially insensitive and I can gauge if someone is uncomfortable talking to me so I don’t make it worse by sticking around.
My personal recommendation would be to try and make eye contact with someone you like, don’t play hard to get because we will think we are bothering you and enjoy the chat. Hope that helps. I should mention I’m older so my experience might be out of style.
Guy here, before marriage I was assertive and did approach women.
First off, it’s a blow to the ego if a negative interaction happens. This didn’t derail me, but if let’s say you are sitting in class with that person for the next four months – it can get a little ackward with future interactions, not from my sake but from how she would interact later on.
Then you have neutral interactions, where the person played coy, but is still pleasant. I half wonder if some of those interactions would have been worthy of dates IF the Girl was ready to respond appropriately.
You have no idea how many girls do NOT know how to small talk and flirt back… It’s as if they forget how to communicate or carry a conversation or even worse, demean a compliment you pay them.
All of this was done before 2002, I could DEFINITELY imagine things are much more difficult. I’m 41 and was doing this back in my 20s. And from the work that I do, the younger generation definitely struggles to small talk.
I approached a lot but “flirting” is generally more effective when it doesn’t look like it. I went to women I found attractive and just engaged in conversations. It kind of naturally flows when the connection is made and the girls rarely really thought I was flirting with them. Even my wife (who I met on Tinder) told me I wasn’t flirting, just being interesting, vulnerable, authentic and confident but fact is it took an hour before we started making out. I think it just works better being authentic but maybe some guys tried to “flirt” and you didn’t pick it up.
I’m a 31 year old male, I’ve had girlfriends my entire life. One up to 6 years long.
And I’m telling ya, I was single for like 3 years and I felt lost lol.
I honestly would be a mess if I had to go up to a woman and flirt randomly, it’s so much easier when you’re hanging out with someone in a location or something. But at a bar or event would be tough lol. I don’t know if it’s the social media shit now a days but I feel like I would absolutely suck at flirting.
I’ve never been good with rejection anyways, luckily it hasn’t happened very much 😂
Because we guys are afraid to be labelled as creep and despo, especially when we are not good looking and rich type
When everywhere you turn on the internet, you see a video of some lady making fun of some dude trying to shoot his shot, or basically women berating men for trying, calling them creeps and all (there are definitely creeps out here but the internet has enabled people to loosely define things so you have women calling regular dudes creeps just cause they weren’t interested), it stands to reason that dudes would rather not risk their well-being for some clicks and likes on the internet
An also important aspect is that women very very rarely approach guys, so it also feels just unfair.
Why should men risk rejection, bad reactions and humiliation when women in 2022 still crave for dating privileges that should have expired long ago.
Some guys do, some don’t. I guess a lot of people are just afraid to get a rejection or don’t feel confident to talk to you.
Why don’t you approach and ask guys out?
I can only speak to my personal experience but when I was dating I found that if I went up to a girl in a bar or at a party and tried to flirt it was rarely read as such or responded to with anything other than surprise. Multiple times I would meet someone at a singles event or bar, have a good conversation, and then they would be surprised and confused when I asked for their number. Not a negative reaction, more a genuine surprise I had asked.
The conclusion I came to (other than the obvious which may also be true) is that dating apps have moved dating/flirting to their own special space and people don’t think about it as much outside of it. If someone wants to date they go to the dating apps. If they don’t want to think about dating they go to a party. Then when someone tries to bring up a date in a non dating app situation it’s met with surprise and confusion. It’s like wearing a bathing suit to the desert. There might be a lake there, but I didn’t think that was the point of the activity.
It happens to me, but not usually at a bar, usually at some kind of activity. Like if I’m out dancing or something. I dig it, and I wish people would do this more
20 year old guy here, we (guys my age) have been made more aware of how uncomfortable we can make women and how intimidating we can be. I think that more and more men don’t want to put women in an uncomfortable situation so we don’t approach
This is so hilarious; you have constant complaints from women about “creepy” guys hitting on them. Men get browbeaten regularly about not “bothering” women out in the public sphere. Now that men are finally going along with it, the narrative is changing to “Where have all the real men gone, why don’t I get approached?”
I’m married but if I wasn’t, there is no way in hell I would approach a female with a pick-up line. I wouldn’t know how to flirt in 2022 without getting cancelled. Tinder and dating sites suck, especially for 80% of men, but at least that type of attention is wanted there.
Like a million reasons why, but everyone mentioned those so I’ll mention others. Maybe they just don’t find you attractive or just assume you’re taken. Plus you may seem standoffish or a “don’t you dare approach” look on your face. Also it’s 2022, women can start making the first move and they honestly should. But also, how often does a cold approach even work and why try? You don’t even know the person whatsoever, that’s dangerous in a lot of ways
The narrative on social is that girls don’t want to be approached, so guys I know don’t approach girls.
Yes guys do approach and flirt with women, but there is a very important thing!
Do not position yourself with other guys. Then a guy might think that you are already taken and he will not try.
But flirting also lies with you. You can give him signs that he can approach you.
They do, but try approaching them first if they don’t approach you. Im sure you will be pleasantly surprised
Men would like to do so, but they have to be careful.
If she’s not interested the male could receive anything from “I’m not interested” to social media shaming, or in extreme cases a #metoo moment.
Just let them women approach you. Its dangerous to be a man in 2022.
Before I was married, I was the assertive flirt type. But early in my 20s I was rejected a few times (once humiliated) and I just stopped all of it. I didn’t date or have sex for 3 years before the woman who is now my wife asked me one day if I’d like to go to Dairy Queen.
/r/dating_advice
As a man, I don’t want to be seen as creepy or accused of harassment, so I personally don’t approach strangers
At this point, no. Too many stories of women not like being approached at x, y, and z has made me essentially avoid it altogether at this point. Unfortunately, I think most guys at this point that are considerate and aware of these stories struggle with this to avoid coming across as a creep.
Its not as simple as oh hey im attractive and i go to a bar so why dont they approach me? Answer is: IT DEPENDS
Most guys who might wanna talk to you can be very easily put off by:
1) shes with a group of friends
2) shes shown no sign shes even remotely noticed him
3) she sent the last guy near her packing in 0.5 seconds, yes we’ve seen it happen
4) the guy thinking he’ll seem like a creep even though he might just say hi and thats it
5) his guy friends watching him do it and potentially looking like a complete fool
Guys forget about each one of these things the more they drink, but then you have the ‘omg there’s a drunk guy in my face scenario’
Solution: if you see a guy you like in said bar, give him some eye contact, he’ll come over
Women these days seem to be so unapproachable that I have forgotten how to even talk more or less flirt.
Here’s a [link](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xkb7m0/3_girls_laughed_at_me_last_night_when_i_asked_a/) where a guy did just that, approached and ask for a woman’s number. Any guess how it turned out?