I have been messaging a guy back and forth that I met off of Bumble for about a day and a half now seeking a casual relationship (I want to make it clear that I’m not jumping into anything too fast and I have my own vetting process). He seemed like a very decent guy until a couple of hours ago when he sent a couple of texts that made me raise a brow.

Keep in mind that I’m a 21F black woman as this is an important detail for what I’m about to explain. Today he sent me a message saying he “loves some chocolate motherfucking pudding” and that I could “wrap his legs around him and let’s make an oreo.” Yes, this is a white dude. I told him I was “confused” (not really the truth, but I was giving him a chance to either take back what he just said or somehow in the slightest chance explain that this wasn’t what exactly I thought it meant). He told me to think about it, later admitting it was a “horrible joke with nothing innocent about it” after I told him how I thought he definitely probably \*did\* mean for it to be in \*that way.\*

Something about this message really threw me off and I feel weirded out. Should I tell him how I feel and see if he fixes his behavior or is it best I don’t stick around because it’s worse than what I think it is? I can’t tell if I’m overreacting.

5 comments
  1. As a black guy, I would be pretty turned off by this lol. Some fetishization going on. I don’t really think that’s something one can just “fix” overnight, the whole mindset and outlook is fucked up

  2. Sexual “jokes” this early are not usually a good sign, racist “jokes” are literally never a good sign. This guy is an asshole.

  3. >I could “wrap his legs around him

    He’s double jointed? That’s pretty rare.

    As the woman you doubtless receive hundreds if not thousands of expressions of interest on a dating site.

    So, I think you should be ready to dump any doubtful characters without having to dwell unduly on your decision.

  4. fixes his behavior? you just met him. this is the best he’s gonna get. cut your losses and unmatch girl

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