Just for background I’m a 22 year old guy who lives in the US. I’ve only had 2 relationships in which the 1st was a casual high-school thing, and my 2nd was a longterm thing when I was 18 at the start of college but ended around 6 months ago.
Just got my own apartment and am doing fine financially as a software engineer. So I started dating again now that my life is stable.
Been meeting women and using a few online dating apps and things are going fine so far.
I would like to ask about some of these girls I’m talking to previous dating history. Reason being is that I’d prefer to find someone whose similar to mine as I’m searching for a long-term relationship.
11 comments
nothing wrong with that. although be ready for the lies and pushback that comes with asking.
I don’t think it’s necessarily ~wrong~ but I think it could at least be good to examine exactly why someone’s dating history is something you care about that much.
> Reason being is that I’d prefer to find someone whose similar to mine as I’m searching for a long-term relationship.
It depends on what that reasoning or preference is based in. I mean, does someone have to have a similar dating background **to** have a long term relationship with you?
Nope. Your preferences are all completely subjective and the only question of right and wrong is whether they’re right or wrong for you. You’ll dissuade some potential partners by having that requirement, but they’re the ones you want to dissuade anyways, so it’s not an issue that you’re filtering people out.
As long as the woman is also searching for a longterm relationship what difference does it make if she’s had one or more previous LTRS or if she wants a LTR but has never found one or wasn’t ready for one until now but is currently very ready?
Your experience doesn’t make you any better positioned for a LTR than anyone else.
It’s fine to ask about dating history, it typically comes up when I ask about what they’re looking for or why they happen to be single atm. But I usually don’t expect people to give me a full catalogue of all their partners they’ve ever had. Does it really matter what their dating history is as long as they want the same thing from a relationship as you?
Nope. Don’t let people bully you for not sharing their values.
You’re allowed to have your own preferences but I would decide what is a deal breaker for you, and what isn’t. And I wouldn’t limit things too much for yourself off finding someone who has the same type of experience as you do. Someone who dated more casually in college and is now looking for something more stable serious could make a great partner for you. Their past doesn’t define the future. But it’s up to you what is and isn’t a deal breaker for you.
I don’t think YOU are being unreasonable, but some people have WILD expectations from their potential prospects.
Having a preference is fine. But understand that every preference reduces your dating pool. Finding a 22 yr old woman that has only had one LTR since high school will limit your pool a lot.
Sorry, but you don’t have a right to know anyone else’s relationship history. Sure, if they’re willing to share those details that’s fine but if someone chooses not to share those details for privacy reasons then you should accept that. Ask yourself honestly, why does it matter? You claim you’re looking for someone with similar experience to you but at the end of the day, what does that mean? My advice is to not get yourself caught up in the dating history of the women you’re dating. Curiosity killed the cat. Not only should you not judge people for their past dating histories but you also shouldn’t compare your own dating experiences to others because ultimately, that’s comparing apples to oranges.