I (18f) am half Lebanese, I’m fluent in Arabic, I used to live in Lebanon with my family. In October 2012 we had to move back to Australia because my mother was unable to speak Arabic, I was extremely upset by this and did not want to move back. I’d never been bullied in Lebanon, but when I returned to Australia I got bullied badly in every single year of school. Its always been chalked down to jealousy because of the way I look, and the grades I get, but I don’t think it’s that. I don’t feel accepted here, I don’t feel a sense of belonging in Australia. I felt it in Lebanon, and haven’t felt it since.
My father made the sacrifice to move to Australia with my mother, and frankly, I wish we’d stayed in Lebanon, I wish they hadn’t met, being biracial in an environment I already don’t feel accepted in has been terrible. I never knew which way of life to adopt, the Lebanese way or the Western way?
At the end of the day Lebanon has my heart. I prefer the Lebanese values, culture, and way of life. I’ve always wanted to move back.
The dilemma is that I’ve been with my Mexican boyfriend (18m) of 8 months, he can’t speak Arabic, and he won’t be accepted over there. He wants to move to be with me, but it just couldn’t work. I see a future with him, and moving back to Lebanon has come up recently because my Gedo (grandfather) is getting old, and 3umi (my uncle) broke his back. I want to help my family, and I want children, I want to raise them in Lebanon in my city where everyone has strong morals and religious beliefs. I want to move back to Lebanon, I’m tired of feeling like an outsider, and I want to be with my people.
I told my bf about everything, he thinks that if I truly love him I won’t move, but it’s more than that. I’m making a decision for myself and for my future. He wants to create our own home here, and he thinks that I haven’t lived here as an adult and don’t know how accepting Australia can be. He thinks I’m basing my decision off of my bullying in school. I’m not.
I don’t like the western culture, I’m Melkite Arab and want to be in a place where people have those views, have that religion, I have to drive 45 minutes away to get to the nearest Melkite Arabic church, I don’t feel represented, and there’s predominant racism towards Lebanese and other Arabic people here. I don’t want to be an adult here, I don’t want my future children to grow up here. Family comes first to me and at the end of the day my family is in Lebanon.
I feel selfish in having initiated a relationship with him because I knew I wanted to move back at some point in my life and I feel as if I’ve wasted time he could’ve spent with someone who doesn’t want to move to the Middle East (they’re surprisingly not to hard to find). He’s thought of a compromise with me where I stay here in Australia but go to Lebanon on holidays frequently, I don’t feel that’s enough for me, I want to live in Lebanon with my big family.
TLDR: I want to move back home to Lebanon, my boyfriend won’t be accepted there, I don’t want to live in Australia at all
Thoughts?
10 comments
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Some relationships will just have core incompatibilities. This is important enough to you that you would never *not* do it, it sounds like. Moving to a different country to settle down is a big decision for a relationship of any age, and you guys are just 18 and have only been dating 8 months. You both still have a lifetime of experiences ahead of you, so just think fondly on this relationship and pursue the life you want, and he will do the same – even if feelings hurt now. ❤️
You know what you want and you’re only 18, to be perfectly blunt it’s unlikely that you and your current bf would make it for the long term anyway.
So, do what your heart tells you to do. Go to Lebanon and be happy.
You two are going to break up. You are completely incompatible of multiple levels and want the opposite things in life. That doesn’t make either of you bad, it just makes you bad for each other.
That’s a lot to ask of someone you’ve been dating for 8 months. How do you expect him to support himself? Can he get a job? Resident status? Is he going to live with you and your family? Are you going to support him financially? You’re 18.
I think you are going to move to Lebanon and your boyfriend will stay here. You guys have incompatible views of the future.
You’ll have other chances to find someone to build a life with.
You can do whatever you want to do. Your boyfriend will not and should not move to a foreign country. Y’all are 18 year old children who have only been dating for 8 months.
Your boyfriend is right that a lot of your reasoning for moving is based on your childhood experiences with bullying. Now that you’ve finished those middle school and high school years, you will quickly find that dynamic no longer exists. I am concerned that you are romanticizing your early childhood years based on the fuzzy memories of a 5 to 8 year old kid. You have no idea what it would have been like to grow up in Lebanon as a teenager. Little baby kids are insulated from the world around them. You may find out that Beirut isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and that Australia isn’t nearly as bad as you currently perceive it to be.
I find it odd that you idealize the strict morality of a religious country despite growing up in a secular one. Nothing highlights that more than the fact that your boyfriend doesn’t share that aspect of your culture. The truth is that you belong to both cultures. You don’t have to choose one over the other. Again this strikes me as a juvenile way of understanding yourself and the world around you.
If you were my younger family member my biggest concern would be your focus on having babies at 18 years old. You should be thinking about furthering your education. You don’t want to find yourself stuck because of an impulsive decision made when you were 18. Go to university, somewhere. There will be other members of the Muslim community there to explore that aspect of your cultural heritage.
Before you start the process of moving- vacation where you want to go- spend two weeks or more if you can. Truly feel it out, see the real life feel for it, see what resources and community are available to you there before you take a leap. If it is what you want after that then start the process for moving. This is not a light decision and you may not find it as glamorous as you did as a child. If your now boyfriend wishes to visit with you and then try to make it work- so be it, but you fundamentally want different things.
Habibi follow your heart and what really desire.
Habibi you and him can come to Dubai! Yalla!
you guys are very young and it sounds like you are just not compatible enough. this is an unreconcilable difference.