Fathers Of AskMen, how would you want your sons to be better than you?

18 comments

1. don’t ever take up smoking. it’s a filthy, disgusting habit and it’s totally unnecessary, and it’s really hard to give it up.

2. Develop self confidence at a younger age. While I still want my son to be kind and to respect others, I’d want him to learn that its ok if his actions/desires dont always please everyone! (Of course, I’m not talking about actions that would negatively impact others)

3. More disciplined. More confident.stay active longer?

4. I want my kids to have some actual guidance in their youth, unlike how I was brought up. That way they will have the ambition to actually pursue something during their school years, and will set goals. When I was in school, my sole goal was to survive my abusive parents and escape. I never had time to consider a career path.

5. It’s taking me 22 years to be a lot more expressive and emotionally open than how I was nurtured to be in my youth. And the entire credit of that goes to one person, my wife. And I have a lot farther to go. So my hope, with her influence, my two boys will be more expressive and not embarrassed by their emotions.

6. In every way. Kinder, more focused on education, better with money, more open with showing care and love to friends. These are all things I came to later in life. I don’t want him wasting time or have regrets like I do.

7. I want them to achieve greater success, faster, with fewer pitfalls. I want them to live a life with more happiness, love, and support than I have ever experienced. I want them to be perceptive and careful, but not fall into the trap of cynicism like I did. I’ll do this by making sure they face challenges, with support and mentorship, while ensuring they maintain modesty. A parent shouldn’t remove all obstacles, nor should they be absent and let a child hit every obstacle along the way as I did. It should be a balance for growth and development.

   I was raised with the “sink or swim” method. My parents sort of regarded me as more of an inconvenience than anything. I was self-taught on practically everything. If they had been more involved, supportive, mentoring… God knows where I’d be today. I’d probably be giving ol’ Elon a run for his money.

8. Do more sport in his youth; intelligence and strength are not either/or; that’s a canard used in the media to appeal to fat nerds.

9. Hopefully taller than 5’5.

   Most importantly to grow up in a stable and loving household. My brother and I are pretty messed up due to our childhood.

10. Basic things like have more compassionate/emotional moments, don’t smoke, have more educational opportunities, never allow people to use them as door mats, and above all be more appreciative of the people in their life.

11. Find a job you like and go after it no matter what. Financial stability is never a guarantee unless you are willing to sell your soul to a boss. If I could do what I love for work and cut my salary in half I would do so in a heartbeat.

12. Not so paralyzed by self doubt as I was in my younger years. And I wish that for the daughter I have as well.

13. control their temper

14. I’ve thought about this alot. I don’t have any kids yet but a few things really.

    -I grew up without a father figure so i’d like to always be there for my son or daughter

    -I want them to be proud of themselves. Being raised by a single mom in a family of mostly women that had almost all had horrible experiences with men made me feel like me being a man was inherently a bad thing and I should hate myself for it.

    -I want them to believe in themselves. Due to the above point I didn’t really believe in myself until the last year and i’m over 30 now. I spent the first three decades of my life believing anything I would try would fail so I shouldn’t bother. Despite that I still accomplished alot, but I could never be proud of my accomplishments and chalked them all up to dumb luck.

15. I don’t want their life to be easier, but rather I want them to be stronger and more able to handle whatever life brings.

16. Not worrying so much about what ppl think during development years in school and do whatever makes you happy

    Wife is pregnant, not sure if it’s a boy or girl

17. Not be raised by a single mom and whoever is “making her happy” that year. Not be moms emotional tampon whenever she messed it up. Not be the man around the house doing all the dad chores.

    But nooo, then she’d have to answer to another adult. And that’s ~~oppression~~ accountability.

18. Not to hate work.

    My father came home and complained about work every night. I grew to not look forward to going to work. I still get pangs of it to this day. I’ve had jobs that I loved doing with great co-workers but it was always tainted. Funny thing is that I went to his retirement party and he was beloved there. Such a disconnect from what he brought home.

    I went to therapy when my oldest was a few months old and got a handle on this.

    I would complain about work occasionally but leaven that with stories of my successes and challenges and funny shenanigans with my co-workers.

    They are out on their own now and don’t seem to hate work like I do. So that’s a win in my book.