We’re both in college, I’m 19M and she’s 21F. I met her at the end of last semester through an app and got her snap. We snapped for a good while, sending face pics with text a few times a day. But when I say end of the semester, I literally mean the last four days of the semester before summer break. Because of this, I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be ideal to try hanging out right before we went back home for break… UNLESS she lived in the same area as me (a lot of people from my school are from my area). So I asked her on snap where she was from, and was pretty bummed to find out she lived three states away from me. I still wanted to give it a chance though because she seemed pretty cool and we had a lot in common, so I then asked her if she would be down to hang out when we got back next semester, even though we would be away from each other for the next few months. She responded with “sure, just hmu!” so it seemed like she was interested enough to be willing to do that.
After getting home from break, we continued to snap each other – a lot of it was just conversation and getting to know each other. However, here’s when the problem came in: we went from snapping a few times a day, to once a day, to once every two days, every three days, all the way up to 5 days. She would take a little while to respond, and I would match her on how long she took to respond. At this point it felt like a waiting game. The thing that confused me was that it wasn’t like she was sending super short responses; she would send pretty long responses every time, so it SEEMED like she still had some sort of interest… the amount of time it took to respond would just increase each time though.
Once she took 5 days to respond, I decided to ghost her because I just didn’t feel like playing a waiting game anymore. I also had the mentality that I didn’t want to talk to her too much before meeting her in person which is where I would get to know her best (i.e. avoid a long distance relationship). I thought that I would just message her again when we got back to school.
We’re both back at school now, and looking back at what I did, I’m trying to decide whether it would make sense to reach out to her again after ghosting her.
Do you think she wouldn’t be interested in me anymore since I did that, even though she said she would be down to hang out when we got back? Should I reach out and give it a shot or do you think I’ve already messed things up and it wouldn’t be successful anyway?
2 comments
Why does her taking a few days to respond instantly equal that shes not interested? She could have been busy with other things. If she was sending long messages it sounds like she wanted to talk to you and update you on things but she was just busy.
Matching the wait time seems silly to me. Just start messaging her and say something like sorry for dropping off for a bit, you were just busy and didn’t really have time to talk, or tell her the truth that you thought she wasn’t interested in her anymore because of her response times and go from there.
You should contact her to apologize. Ghosting is cruel. Then it’s her decision if she wants to risk trusting you again. You showed her that you think ghosting is okay so you’re super high risk as a result.