F24. Im feeling like I want to meet someone that interests me, challenges me, I can flirt with and maybe see a future with. But recently that just seems very hard to find. I have been on a good few dates in recent months and I’ve just really struggled to be attracted to them in a genuine way. The one person I feel I am genuinely drawn to, doesnt want anything serious.
So I’m just left feeling a bit…eugh. its not like other times in my life when I’ve been really happily single either, I’m actually craving the connection and relationship a partner brings. It doesn’t help that my ex (9 months broken up now) seems to be in a new happy relationship.
Does anyone else feel like this?
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I (27M) grew up in a pretty sheltered family that I escaped from in college. However, I was in computer science and never had much luck/experience/interactions with girls and was often overlooked. I wasn’t even really attracted to my first ever girlfriend but I gave it a shot and lost my virginity.
I ended up meeting a girl that I was really attracted to but she didn’t like me back, so I just became friends with her. Our friendship grew until we were best friends, but my friends were concerned for my mental health because I was still in love with this girl. I had to essentially force her to give me a chance with an ultimatum… and we were together for 3.5 years. It was a long, healthy, amazing relationship that ended simply because we were both career-oriented and in college and followed our careers to separate places when we graduated. We 100% had something where I interested her, challenged her, and flirted with her and it didn’t start with her being instantly crazy for me.
After that I once again entered the world of dating and, once again, didn’t have much luck with girls. I worked in software so there weren’t many girls so I had to turn to online dating. My friends made fun of me because I would go on 1-2 dates per week with different girls, spending hundreds of dollars a month on dates. I was attractive enough to get dates, but girls were just relentless. Over a year of dating I had two girls want to be FWBs for a bit but was otherwise faced with countless rejections. I ended up meeting a girl that I wasn’t super attracted to, but she was really really sweet and hellbent on finding something serious, so I gave it a shot. We were together for a little bit under 2 years but I felt like she was too pressuring and controlling, sort of molding me into her dream rather than just accepting me for who I am, so I ended things.
And then, I once again entered the world of online dating and… you guessed it. Not much luck with girls. I had luck with dates, but the girls were just too dang quick to reject me before even really getting to know me. My friends and therapist URGED me to try meeting girls in real life. I don’t like going to bars because I feel like I get overlooked or undervalued, but I dance as a hobby and meet tons and tons of cute girls there. However, I didn’t want to make my hobby feel uncomfortable and start tons of drama. Finally, after several months of rejections, I finally met a gorgeous girl that gave me a chance and we work really well together. She had just gotten out of a relationship that ended on good terms and I was her first date. I feel like, if she had been on dating apps any longer, she wouldn’t have given me a chance.
In summary, based on all my years of dating and relationships. I truly think that girls’ standards are too high nowadays. I think a lot of girls want something real and exciting… but they wrongly expect that excitement to come instantly, or don’t give it a chance to come out beyond a few pics on a dating app, or just one date.